The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry

 Ecco un'altra fanfiction che volevo scrivere da una vita! La YamaShizu avrà sempre un posto speciale nel mio cuore <3

M2, sesta settimana.
Prompt: Koi no Yokan (Giapponese). Letteralmente "Premonizione d'amore", quando due persone s'incontrano ed almeno una di loro capisce che prima o poi nascerà un'amore con l'altra, pur non provando sul momento nessuna attrazione particolare. Si differenzia dal "colpo di fulmine" poiché non implica l'immediata sensazione d'essere innamorato, piuttosto il sapere che un futuro amore sarà inevitabile.
Fandom: My little monster! / Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun
Pair: Yamaken/Shizuku, side Haru/Shizuku
Warning: eeee maybe cheating, anche se uhhh... E' MOLTO BORDERLINE, per cose che succedono nella fanfic, ma tecnicamente PENSO sia cheating. NSFW. 

Notare come
la missione: LE PAROLE CHE IL CUORE SUSSURRA
io: what a great prompt for CHEATING
scusate

Maybe I should have known better. When, that day, I walked in that damned burger shop, why wasn’t there some kind of premonition? I wished there was. I would have let that stupid Yoshida off the hook for that day. Was the price of the meal we scrounged that day really worth what I had to experience next? I’m certainly not talking about the punch he gave me a few days later, or about having to build a house for his chicken – especially since the others took care of it. No, I’m not talking about that. I wasn’t able to admit it to myself for quite some time, but the hints were all there, they have been there for me to see, since our first encounter. I don’t know how to describe it, I’ve never felt something like that, so I just shrugged it off as maybe hunger? How foolish I was. I would like to say that it’s for the better, that it’s a valuable experience so that next time I know how to approach the situation and maybe… be faster about it? But I’m just deluding myself. I will never meet someone like her again. Maybe in another life, maybe if I could remember her…

It’s stupid for me to think about that right now. Why is my brain doing it? Why does it hate me so much? I don’t want to think about it. I wish to just forget everything. But I can’t. As my brain shows me images I don’t want to remember – it hurts too much – I close my eyes as the music in the room fills my ears.

It seemed like any other day. We decided on a whim to find Yoshida and ask him for some money. I had plenty to buy myself ten times lunch at that burger shop, but it was funnier if Yoshida offered the lunch himself. He was so naïve. Maybe it was payback for having exploited him so much… not like it does matter now. Joji was the first one to spot him. I was too busy looking at my phone. As another notification appeared on my screen, I sighed. “Are you free today?” with several hearts and star emoji.  Tomio looked at the screen from my shoulder without me noticing – otherwise, I would have pushed him away; it was nothing too personal, but his comments and insinuations were annoying – and sneered.

 - Mhhh, I spy with my little eye that another girl is going to have her heart broken iiiiin… do you even plan on replying to her? Or are you planning on leaving her hanging from your lips forever? You’re such a meanie, Yamaken. - He laughed. – Maybe you can give me her contact? Is she cute? -

  - I think she’s cute, yeah. But I don’t really care. – I answered as I bluntly replied a cold “No.” to her. It’s true that girl – what was her name again? – was cute but I didn’t want to waste my time going out with her. She wasn’t worth it. For a moment I wondered if the right one for me would ever appear – if I hadn’t been so blind to all the hints I would have realized sooner – and Joji trotted to Yoshida’s table. I was surprised at that sight. Not only he was not alone. A girl was sitting with him. I felt a strange sensation in my stomach. An omen? Hunger? Who could tell? The girl had her face turned to Yoshida, so I couldn’t immediately see her.

Upon seeing Joji, Yoshida stood up, a big bright smile on his face. It made me sick. Why was he so clueless? Why was he so happy to see us? Was he so blind to our pranks? I didn’t have time to linger on those thoughts a lot, though.

 The girl eating with Yoshida turned her head, to follow his movement and probably to look at the source of his excitement. Yes, that was it. The moment we crossed eyes. It is stupidly romantic for me to think back about it now. I wonder why I remember the moment I first met her so vividly. Maybe because of that strange sensation I had in my stomach as soon as I had her eyes on me for the first time? I remember it so well. The other didn’t notice anything as I was able to fairly conceal it, but I felt in full, for sure. Staring into her eyes, I just knew. She was not beautiful. Heck, she wasn’t even cute. She wasn’t anything. I didn’t feel anything for her at that moment. But it was like a glimpse in the future.

Looking back at it now, during this particular moment, it all makes sense. I never believed in premonitions of stupid things like that but it was real.

I felt like I had a hunch of what would happen. ‘Fuck, I’m going to fall in love with her’ I wasn’t in love with her at that moment. ‘And it’s going to be awful and hellish.’ She’s ugly. She doesn’t wear make-up. Her hair is stupid. Her twin-tails are stupid. Everything about her is stupid. And ugly. She’s not sexy at all. ‘It’s going to be the worst heartbreak of my life.’ Stop it. ‘It will hurt. But it’s inevitable.’ His brain hated him. Her blank stare seemed to dig so deep inside my soul. It was a stupid stare. I couldn’t help but turn my eyes away from her.

 What the fuck was that? That was so scary. I’ve never felt such strong emotions. I’ve never felt them for anyone. It’s surely an omen. Did someone throw a curse on me? Was it Yoshida? Did he notice that we have been tricking him and he wants revenge? Did he ask this girl – who I a witch in disguise – to help him with his revenge plan? A quick look at Yoshida’s clueless and happy face tells me I’m just being paranoid. I’ve never felt this way. I’m getting overwhelmed by my anxiety, how is this possible? As Yoshida gives some money to Joji, I steal another glance at that girl. Tomio laughs with Mabo and she notices. She gives me an annoyed look. Did she catch our true intentions? It’s not like it matters, though. She’s smart. This notion kind of rose of a tiny bit my consideration for her. But I didn’t like her. She’s ugly. ‘Yet.’ My brain – my guts, even - warned me. As I followed the others to the cash to grab our meals, I kept repeating to myself that I was just being paranoid. There was just no way for me to fall in love with her. Just. No. Way. Besides, isn’t she Yoshida’s? Not like it would be that hard to steal a girl from that loser. ‘Heh, maybe I should try it. Steal his girl and then rub it in his face.’ Why did I have that thought? Would I have wanted to do it anyway if it wasn’t her? Not wanting to answer that question, I tried to drive away from my mind the girl’s blank stare on me. I didn’t like her, I didn’t think I would ever like her. I’m not cursed. That strange sensation was just hunger, for sure. I thought that as I ate my burger. Maybe one burger was not enough to calm that feeling I had, because the way she kept staring into me kept lingering on my mind more than I anticipated for. What a fool I had been. I was tempted to go to Yoshida to spill him some money for another meal – hoping it would appease what I was experiencing – but I decided against it. Going to Yoshida again would have meant crossing way with that unappealing girl again, and I did not want it. Especially if she was the cause of everything I was feeling. I was sure she was not but better safe than sorry. As going away from the restaurant to distance myself from those dangerous thoughts would help me, I got up before the other and run away, after looking casually at where Yoshida and that girl were seated before. They were gone. I released a sigh of relief I didn’t know I was holding. I didn’t know why, though.

The second time we met it was unexpected, like the first. We were at the baseball center, she was playing. Why would a girl be interested in baseball? That was so unsexy. She is the contrary of what someone would call sexy. ‘Thank God, I’m not cursed.’ I thought, upon seeing her. ‘Yet.’ My inner self reminded me. As I see her approaching, I felt relief – oh, what a stupid I was – as I thought she was just as ugly as two days ago. She scolded us that day. That wasn’t sexy.

I kept repeating that to myself like a mantra, the third time we met while resting my arm on her shoulder in front of Yoshida. ‘Hah, this is fun. I’m stealing your girl, loser.’ I ignored the feeling in my stomach as I got near her. What a stupid. It’s not like I paid any attention to what she smelled like. It seemed like soap and something new. I had vaguely remembered Yoshida talking about her working in a supermarket. It was not important at that moment. I was grateful to Yoshida for punching me, not that I would ever admit it, not even under torture. It distracted me from my thoughts.

 As my friends repaired the chicken house I stole quick glances at her. I had to make sure. She was not attractive that day, she wasn’t attractive two days previous. Heck, she’s not even attractive right now. I know I’m just lying to myself, though. ‘I’m still safe.’ I sighed to myself. I wasn’t cursed yet.

The fourth time we met, I wanted to tease Yoshida more. I went to his school’s festival, the others found him and they started bickering. I wasn’t interested, so I decided to wander for a bit. A bad decision. Why did I do that? Maybe I wanted to be cursed. As soon as I realized I lost sight of Tomio – a second ago he was teasing Yoshida about something I couldn’t remember – that was it. ‘Fuck, I’m lost.’ For a moment, I even thought about calling the car and have them accompany me home. To the others, I could have just said that I got bored of the festival and went home to do more productive things. Well, it’s not like I had much going on at home – my sister was there, so I didn’t want to go there in the first place. Well, thinking back about it, I probably should have. Especially given that particular situation I had with that girl. Her name was Shizuku. I heard Yoshida call her. What a common and unoriginal name, I thought. She was one of the top students in her class, Yoshida surpassing her on sheer talent alone. That made her very angry – of course, it did – because she was very fond of studying. ‘Study-bug’. That was how he and his friends started calling her. It wasn’t like her was fazed by their comments. Was she used to it? That was so sad. After walking a while, lost in my thoughts, literally lost in that commoners’ school, I was tired. My orientation skills had never been that developed and I wanted to go home. I didn’t know how but I ended up in the school garden. Well, that was it. I was already outside, so I could just call my driver and go home. As I took out my phone, I heard a noise coming from my right. Turning my head towards the source of those rustles, I found her. That was the first time I found her when I was lost. I always hated how I wasn’t able to find my way even in a simple everyday situation, but finding her after being lost for at least twenty minutes was absurd. Maybe I was cursed. Maybe fate wanted me to be cursed by her. A shiver passed through my back as I realized my heart skipped a beat at her sight. She was unattractive today, as well. She was dressed in a strange costume. Was she... a nurse? A zombie nurse. She could have been sexy if she was dressed as a nurse, full stop. Why did she have to add that whole zombie topic to it? That was because she was unattractive at her core. That was what rendered her interesting, by the way. I didn’t mean it romantically, of course. How could I like such a study-bug as her? The studious type was never in my chords. I preferred more well-kept and dolled up girls. She was the opposite of my ideal type, so why. Why was I so relieved that I found her in this mess I walked into?

The memories of my confessions were so quick to pass. There wasn’t much to reflect on, anyway. I always thought that, in love, the timing was everything. There isn’t something more true for me and her. I was naïve. I thought that if I confessed earlier than him, she would choose me. It makes me laugh how wrong I was. I don’t understand her, though. I affected her, I made her heart beat faster when I was confessing. Then why did she reject me? Why does she always come back to him? I don’t understand. She’s a mystery to me; a mystery I can’t solve.

 I remember clearly when I hugged her after I laid my feelings bare. She smelled of soap, as usual. I wanted to know where she worked so I could go to visit her. Then, I decided against it, as I didn’t want to be a stalker. It was so nice, I had never felt so warm in my life. I knew everything was going to end in a few moments, but those seconds spent hugging her were so precious. Maybe they were so important because they weren’t much. I wondered if I liked her only because she didn’t like me back. You know, one of those strange mechanisms where you lose interest if the one you want is interested. Some years later I would have the confirmation that no, I was wrong. Probably, having her reciprocate my feelings would have made me the happiest man alive. And yet, that was something I couldn’t have.

The last memory my brain decided to show me was nasty. It’s not like I could forget it for as long as I lived. I hoped she would never as well, but I knew that was just wishful thinking. Ever since I had known her, I could never get a clear reading on her emotions. When I was confessing, when I was holding her close, I couldn’t understand what she was feeling. She rejected me, twice, but I could feel that she wasn’t completely indifferent to me. It was just that my timing was wrong. If I had been there earlier she would have chosen me. Would she? I wonder. Our last time together seemed like a confirmation of this thought, but who knows. I would have to turn back time to know for sure. But I’m sure I would be stuck like in those sci-fi movies in a reality where she would always meet Yoshida first. And Yoshida would always win over me. Oh my God, that was such a sad thought.

 It was a rainy night. I was busy studying for a particularly hard exam: it was one of the few remaining before graduation, so I had to focus and give my best. In the small flat, I shared with Tomio, there was not a single noise. He had gone out to spend the night to a girl’s house. I lost count of his one-night adventures. Guess old habits die hard. That was true for me too, I realized bitterly. As I was trying to understand an especially hard formula – God, quantum physics was so random – I saw from the corner of my eye my phone’s screen lighting up. Trying to ignore it – thinking it was just the girl from Chemistry class asking me out again – I focused again on my work. The phone lighted up again; this time it was a call. As I was taking my phone with one hand to put it with the screen facing the table, I caught a glimpse of the caller’s name. Needless to say, I almost dropped it. The letters ‘Study-bug’ were pitch black in the otherwise white screen. Swallowing in nervousness, I picked up before the rational part of myself could decide against it. By that time, I had resigned to the fact that she would never be mine, especially after Yoshida began talking marriage when he and Shizuku were around. I doubted that he did it to annoy me – and, honestly? The worst part was that he was succeeding – and every cell in my body screamed to me that it was not appropriate to pick a call from her in the middle of the night. I had developed a kind of telepathy as long as she was involved. That ability scared me but also made me feel close to her.

 - Hello? – My own voice put a stop to my thoughts.

 - Hey, Yamaken? – Hearing her say my name, as usual, brought butterflies in my stomach.

 - Hey. What is it? – I could hear raining sounds from her call, where the hell was she? I hoped she wasn’t outside with this kind of weather.

 - Could you… - Her voice was shaking. – open up? I’m outside your flat. -

 At those words, my breath stopped for a moment. I tried to calm myself. She was outside. I wanted to make her come inside as soon as possible as I didn’t like the thought of her outside with that weather. But I also had to calm myself because I was inviting the girl I hopelessly liked for years – once a curse is established, it never goes away – inside my house, without my roommate. I wasn’t Yoshida and I knew how to control myself and I would never do something to her without her consent. I respected her the most among my friends. But. What if she wanted to be with me too? Shaking these thoughts with all my might – she had not wanted it since high school, she wouldn’t be needing affection now, her graduation only months away, with a marriage in sight – I walked at the front door of my flat and opened it.

 Outside, there she was. For a moment, I even wondered if I wasn’t imagining things. My own delusions, making me answer to an imaginary call from her. Yet, there she was. Outside my door. Dressed casually, as usual. Unattractive, as usual. Her wet hair stuck to her face. She was unattractive, ugly, but I wanted to hold her so badly. I didn’t care about getting myself wet. I just wanted to feel her warmth in my arms. I wanted to dream again, like that day. As I imagined, I had never found someone like her. I wanted to tease her, saying that I probably didn’t want to talk to her again, but I ended up not going for that. She looked really tired. What had happened to her?

 After inviting her inside and closing the door, I offered her something to drink. Tomio and I weren’t big fans of teas, but some of his flings brought some tea and biscuit during their visits so I shamelessly recycled those. It’s not like she would know. Or care, for what it mattered. She kept staring down as she went inside. When she reached the living room, she stood near the sofa, unsure of what to do.

 - It’s okay, you can sit. I don’t care if it does get wet. I’m bringing you a change of clothes. Are my clothes okay? They will be larger on you, but it’s better than anything. -

 After muttering a low ‘thank you’, she decided to sit down. She tried to be as composed as she could, in order not to get wet any more parts of the sofa than necessary.

 After coming back from my room, I found that she had removed her sweater, revealing a white t-shirt underneath, soaked wet as well. The t-shirt was stuck to her body as well, and the – albeit few – curves she had were accentuated. I could see her striped sports bra from her wet t-shirt. Tomio would have made fun of me endlessly if he knew I found that incredibly sexy. The worst part was, she wasn’t aware of it. Swallowing hard, trying to ignore the storm of emotions I was feeling, I handed her my clothes. She didn’t grab them. She seemed to be lost in thoughts. I walked closer to her, wanting to lightly shake her shoulder to bring her back to earth, but my mind wasn’t complying. I kept staring at her t-shirt. Before I knew it, thoughts about removing it started to creep in my mind. ‘Fuck it, Kenji. What the fuck are you actually thinking? She’s off-limits. She’s been off-limits for years. She’s been off-limits since the day you met her. You can’t begin thinking this way about her now.’ Well, it wasn’t like I hadn’t thought of her that way before. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have confessed.

 - Ah, you’re here. I’m sorry, I was spacing out. – She simply said.

 ‘What were you thinking about? Probably about him. He was always on your mind, wasn’t he?’ I looked at her, smiling knowingly. She probably read between the lines, because she quickly stood and grabbed my clothes, before running hurriedly to my room. Without asking. Sighing at the water stain she left on the sofa, I decided to throw myself on the dry part of that piece of expensive furniture I kept in my flat and wait for her. Maybe I should have used that time to calm myself down. Yes, thinking back at it, I probably should have done that. If I was in my right mind I would have probably avoided all that. But, as I already know, my brain likes to play with me. As soon as I landed on my sofa, I looked casually in the direction of my room. Of course, the door was closed. But, Shizuku was indeed changing behind that door. It wasn’t like I had to use a lot of imagination to envision her taking off her shirt – it was all exposed by its wetness – but actually starting to imagine it was very arousing. ‘Stop it, Kenji’ I tried to warn myself, without avail. As I felt my pants grow tight, I decided to stop, for my sake. Swallowing in one gulp my hot tea, burning my tongue a little helped to bring back my mind to its focus. Even if studying was out of the question now, he still wanted to maintain their relationship intact. He knew he couldn’t look at her like before if they crossed a certain line. Heck, he could not look normally at her even now.

 As he was sighing after finishing his tea, Shizuku opened the door of his room.

 I had never thought about this kind of thing before. I had never imagined that I would be turned on by the girl I like wearing my clothes.

 Yet, apparently.

 Seeing her with my sweater on her, clearly oversized, send a shiver from my upper back, straight to my groin. Sighing, pushing these thoughts out of my mind, I waited for her to sit on the sofa. Now that the wet spot where she was earlier was unavailable for seating, we had to be a little closer and my heart skipped a beat as she was letting her fall on the sofa near me.

 I didn’t want to force her into telling me what happened, but after a while of staring blankly to an unknown point in front of her, she started telling me everything.

 As I deduced, she argued with Yoshida. She was studying hard these days, for her graduation. He didn’t understand, as usual. For him it was so natural to be good at things, he didn’t get why Shizuku spent so much time over books instead of him. Even if they had been together for years, Yoshida was a stubborn man and, even after countless fights over that specific topic, he never learned. He got especially angry this time and ran away from their shared flat. Shizuku was a bit taken aback by his behavior and didn’t do anything. She thought he would come back. But he wasn’t. He didn’t answer her calls, he didn’t contact any of us to tell us what he was doing. She called everyone, and no one had news about him. Where did he go? After half a week, she decided to look for him. True, outside was raining. But she had to find him. After almost an hour of wandering and wandering, she ended up at my flat. Was it destiny? I couldn’t tell. I just wanted to hold her close to me.

 - I can treat you better, - I blurted out, without thinking. – Better than he can. -

 I didn’t like saying void words, yet there I was. Saying those things to Shizuku. I honestly believed that I would never leave her alone. But I knew that, for Shizuku, that wasn’t true. Unluckily, for love, there wasn’t a formula. But she chose Yoshida over me. She chose Yoshida countless times over me. Every time I was near her and her eyes were all on him, she chose him. She would choose him again and again.

 After listening to her, I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to be a good friend and give her advice, but I couldn’t. All I wanted was to hold her, kiss her, touch her. She sighed.

 - I’m sorry. I probably should not have gone to you. Maybe Natsume… -

 - It’s fine if you stay here. I won’t do anything to you, I’m not a brute. – It hurt my pride that she thought I would force myself on her.

 - You’re not the problem, I am. -

 I wasn’t sure I heard her right.

 - What? – I probably had a dumb expression on my face.

 - I don’t trust myself. I might do something I might regret later if I’m around you. -

 I couldn’t believe I was hearing those words, from her. I wanted from the bottom of my heart to let her do everything she wanted. Even if just for a minute, she could be mine…

 - You can sleep on my bed if you want. I’ll stay here. – I wanted her to come close to me and kiss me. – You can do whatever you want. I won’t put you in danger later. – I wasn’t unsure of what those words meant. I just wanted her to feel sure with me. To feel at home. I probably wasn’t very good at it, because I never felt home anywhere.

I watched her going to my room again, as I covered myself with a blanket I usually left on the sofa. I hoped Tomio used his own room to do his things with his girlfriends because the thought of covering myself with an item stained with his sperm grossed me out.

I felt a light touch to my shoulder, and I opened my eyes weakly.

 - Tomio, is that you? I thought you were supposed to stay at your girl’s home… -

 - I’m sorry, Yamaken, it’s me. -

 Ah. – Oh. Can I do something for you? – I asked her, still half asleep.

 - No, I’m sorry. I went here to have a glass of water, but I accidentally bumped into you. -

 As she was going back again, I did it. I don’t know what took over me, but I did it. I softly touched her hand, silently asking her to stay.

 The room was dark, only the lights from the streets and the moon lighting the room. I could barely see her. She still wore my sweater. I wondered if she was wearing something underneath or if she took off her underwear too. I shivered at the thought and tried to remain focused on her.

 She stopped as I lightly held her hand. I fully opened my eyes and stood from my position, sitting with my feet on the sofa. I still held her hand.

 - I want to kiss you. – I confessed. For the third time. Well, I don’t think it was actually a confession. I didn’t say that I liked her again. I felt her move and she sat next to me. What…

 I thought she would go back to her room.

 - I want to kiss you too, Yamaken, but… - She faltered. – I don’t know if- -

 - I won’t judge you. Nobody will. It’s your right to do what you want, Yoshida abandoned you, after all. – At the mention of his name, she stiffened and let go of my hand. ‘Fuck.’ Was everything I could think of.

 Suddenly, I felt her weight shift near me and her lips were on mine. It all happened so suddenly, I’m not sure I remember it correctly. After all, I was a bit surprised and, admittedly, excited. After years – too many to count them - I was kissing the girl I liked. I didn’t want to believe it. Her lips were soft against mine. I kissed some girls before her, of course. But her kiss was on a whole different level. I never believed about emotion being involved in this kind of thing, but she proved me wrong. She always does, after all. I shiver a little upon remembering that particular moment. As if I was waiting for that moment my entire life, I placed my hand on her cheek and started to kiss her back. I lingered on the feeling of that kiss as long as I could. I didn’t think she’d be too invested in it – given her usual demeanor – but hearing her moaning turned me on immensely. More than I already had been that evening. ‘I want to have sex with her.’ I thought. I had been wanting that for years, but now I just felt like taking my clothes off of her and holding her close. ‘I want to be inside her, I want to make her come.’ Thoughts of the girl I loved, naked above me, filled my mind. ‘I want to make her feel special. I want to be better than him. So she can choose me.’ I was desperate. After breaking the kiss, she climbed over my lap and pushed my back to the sofa. I usually was the one leading the act, but now, with her, I wanted to let her do it. I wanted her to feel special. Does Yoshida let her do the same? I tried not to think about him in that specific moment. That wasn’t a very smart move from my part.

 Her lips are on mine again. Oh my God, she kissed so well. She felt so good. Her usual soap smell was still on her, even during that moment. Did she still work at her father’s supermarket? She was so good. I was sure she was everything I’ve ever wanted; she’s the girl I love.

 I wanted to touch her so badly. I didn’t know if I could, though. I tried placing my hands on her hips. As I started to go higher, I didn’t sense any kind of rejection from her. As I could finally touch her breasts, I wanted her to feel closer to me. She didn’t have her bra on. So I had been right before. Gosh, that was so exciting. I wanted to take off her sweater and kiss her everywhere. I wanted to hear her say my name. Taking her chin into my hand and deepening the kiss, I kept massaging her breast with my other hand. That whole situation was so arousing, I was hard already. I bucked my hips against her, and she moaned. ‘Fuck, that’s so sexy, I want to be buried inside her so much.’ I could feel she was hot down there, too. That made me want to fuck her more. As she grinded back into my hand as I was touching her from my trousers, I let out a moan. Fuck, I had never wanted a girl so bad in my whole life.

 I tried putting a hand near her panties, she was dripping wet. It was amazing.

 - Shizuku… - I managed to let out her name in a moan I didn’t know I was holding. I still couldn’t believe it. She was so sensitive, letting out shameless moans as I kept stroking her softly. I presumed she had been shyer at the beginning, but I’m sure she grew confident over time. Even if I wanted to oversee her transformation myself, this version of Shizuku really suited my tastes a lot. How I wished it had been me instead of Yoshida… I wanted her to show all those expressions to me first, instead of him… I was so taken in by her soft voice and moans; I leaned in and kissed her again, and again. I loved kissing her; I could do that for my whole life. With each soft stroke, I could hear her letting out small moans, grinding against my hand. I wondered how it would feel to be inside her.

 - Fuck, you’re so hot… - I couldn’t believe I told her so. I hope Tomio never finds out or he will mock me for life. But she was hot. She even panted my name twice as I was massaging her. I wanted her so much.

 As I was about to put my hand inside her pants – I couldn’t wait – she suddenly gasped. She proceeded to push me away. She stood from her position and faced me. I didn’t take off any of her clothes, so she was still fully dressed. She had a pained expression. I felt so terrible. Why was she sad? Did I do something she didn’t like?

 - I’m sorry. – She managed to say. The next words she spoke, I would never forget them for the rest of my life.

 - I can’t do this. I know I’m just doing it because I want revenge on him. You don’t deserve this. Your feelings for me are sincere; I can’t do this to you. -

 I stood up and held her. I know I can’t have her, those moments made me think differently but the bitter truth was always there for me to see. This felt like a deja-vù. Holding her, not wanting to let go. Why does she always escape me? Why can’t I have you?

 - I know. I’m just too amazing for you. I get it you feel you’re not enough for me. –

 She softly laughed. Her laughter warmed my heart.

 This time too, it was the same as that day. It was the contrary. She was too amazing for me, I would never be enough for her. It hurt so much to admit that a person I love so much doesn’t reciprocate.

 I wished her a goodnight and I watched as she returned to my bedroom.

 Crying myself to sleep had never happened to me before, but, well, there is a first time for everything.

 

 Even in that situation, she was so amazing. I envied her a lot. I wasn’t sure I would be able to do the same, in all honesty.

 I decided I wanted to be the best I could for her. I wanted to be the best man for her, even without being her boyfriend or husband. She made me strive for the better. She is truly the best.

 The next morning, I could feel she was embarrassed. I didn’t want her to be; I promised not to make her feel guilty. She didn’t need to. She didn’t deserve to. She made me the happiest man alive, just by being close to me for less than an hour.

Yoshida came back the day after her visit. I think that he might have sensed the whole situation and came back for her. He was unusually sharp when Shizuku was involved. Well, not sharp enough to understand how to treat her properly. Things between Shizuku and Yoshida got better. He cooled off his anger and came back to her. I didn’t want to know about the details of their reconciliation, I wasn’t interested. I knew Shizuku loved him, I knew it. I wondered if she told him about that evening. My better bet is no, but, who knows. Her intense stare – the first stare full of emotion she ever gave me – was buried deep on my mind. It’s the same stare she has now. She is beautiful today. Every girl it’s beautiful during their wedding. She is smiling, she is full of life. This has nothing to do with being sexy or appealing, she just fills my heart with joy. I’m happy to see her smiling, even if I’m not the cause behind her joy. Even if she will never smile for me that way.

 The ceremony ended shortly. When the priest asked if someone opposed the marriage, I could feel Tomio’s stare on me.

 - We’re not in a film, stupid. – I whisper to him. ‘If we were in a film, I would be in Yoshida’s place, of course.’ I laugh to myself at the thought. What I would give to have her as my bride. I wonder if I had ever any chances with her, to begin with. Maybe if Yoshida was not there… but he was, and he made his point clear to me several times.

 He raises her, bridal style. I hope he doesn’t let her go, otherwise, I will punch him so bad he won’t forget his wedding day for as long as he lives. She is smiling and laughing and giggling.

 They pass near us. I didn’t pay a lot of attention to their ceremony, I was too busy remembering our story, the story that never was and that never will. It is a bit sad, now that I think about it. I want to cry, but I don’t want to do it in front of her. Even if a few other people would not understand the true meaning behind it, she surely will. I don’t want to be a burden to her. I truly wish her all the happiness. I lightly take her hands in mine as she and Yoshida pass near us. I kiss her hand softly, and Yoshida is glaring daggers at me. I don’t really care, I want to send her off properly. I think she deserves it. Shizuku looks at me. She smiles, softly, maybe shyly. I wonder if she is also thinking about that night. I wonder if that night I was able to make an impression on her, unlike all the other times I tried to impress her. The soft blush on her cheeks and her gaze turning away from mine tells me I am right. Or, at least, that’s how I want to read it.

Goodbye, Shizuku. Goodbye, love of my life.

 

Things I'll never say

Un'altra fanfiction che ho voluto scrivere, da febbraio, ma nessun prompt mi ha mai ispirata. M2 was a blessing! <3 Non ho mai scritto così tanto NSFW così ravvicinato.

M2, sesta settimana.
Prompt: Basorexia (Inglese). Fame, forte desiderio di baciare.
Fandom: Dai Gyakuten Saiban / The Great Ace Attorney
Pairing: Asougi/Barok. mentioned AsoRyuu
Warning: NSFW. E basta, lo giuro.

- Mister Asougi, - The grave voice of the older Prosecutor made the other one raise his eyes from the paperwork he was working on. Asougi had never heard him so worried; true, he often lost his patience in court – especially when Naruhodou was involved – but, outside from those situations – he had always seen his mentor - if he could be called that – always calm and collected. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but whatever Prosecutor Barok was going to tell him was causing him a great deal of stress. He wondered what it was. He was aware that the Prosecutor, like himself, had to pass through plenty of burdens and charges, most of them coming literally from the Old Bailey itself. A certain part of him wanted to think that he deserved it; after all, his father never came back to his home in Japan because of his brother and the twisted legal system of England. Barok also blamed Genshin and all the Japanese people altogether; that was to say that the premises for them working together weren’t as good.

 However. After Naruhodou was able to bring the truth out of that case, Prosecutor Barok’s attitude changed drastically: towards Naruhodou, of course, but towards Asougi, too. He felt that he was more involved emotionally when he was teaching him about the legal system, he could hear a faint hint of joy when they were discussing law, almost like he was talking to a friend. He knew better than consider himself something so close to the other, but he liked being near him somehow.

 - I have something to ask of you… - Barok began.

 Asougi raised his eyebrow. The matter was becoming more and more interesting.

 - Do you know the new Chief of Justice? He filled Sir Vortex’s position recently. – He went on. Asougi could clearly feel that the other was kind of stalling the conversation. Was this hard for him to talk about this?

 - Mister Enfield, right? I saw you two talking in the hallways yesterday when I was returning here to our office after my last trial. Do you know him? – Asougi knew he was direct, but that was the only way to get the other to talk. At those words, Barok widened his eyes and his breath stopped for a moment.

 - Yes… I do know him. I’ve known him for a long time. – His eyes wandered to the painting of his brother held in the office. – He was… a dear friend to him. They were both under the same mentor. The man Vortex made my brother kill… - That last sentence was unnecessary. Asougi felt that he didn’t want to talk about that matter so much that he would bring such a thing from the past to deviate from the main topic.

 - What of him? Did he tell you something about a case? – Asougi wanted to know what Barok was about to tell him.

 - No. He did not. – Barok was furrowing his brow. Asougi asked himself if he was trying to intimidate him and why he went to him in the first place if he didn’t want to talk about it.

 The older prosecutor let out a frustrated sigh.

 - He invited me to the reception. He organized it for his birthday. – He finally said. What? That was it? Why was he so flustered over something so trivial? Asougi couldn’t really understand. At receptions, usually, there was also good wine and he imagined that an estimator such as Barok would enjoy it quite a lot. He decided to went along with him.

 - Yeah? What about that? – Perhaps he didn’t like social events. He didn’t quite look like the social type to him. It wasn’t like they knew each other a lot. True, things calmed down between them after the resolution of The Professor’s case but, apart from some casual chat after work or between paperwork, Asougi couldn’t say that he knew a lot about that mysterious man. He often wondered if he maintained an air of secrecy around him on purpose or if he was doing it unconsciously. He was inclined to say the truth lied in the latter case, based on what he could deduce.

 - I… don’t really like going. – Apparently, Asougi was right about Barok not being really interested in those events. – It’s not like I detest these kinds of events per se. It’s that… events organized by Chief Enfield tend to be a little stressful for me. – Barok was still going in circles about the matter, not telling whatever he wanted to say directly.

 Asougi remained silent, waiting for the other to continue.

 - The point is, during these events he always tries to… introduce me to a possible spouse for me… his friends’ sisters, his colleagues’ daughters… it’s becoming kind of tiring lately. –

 Asougi widened his eyes. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He wanted to laugh at Barok’s problem, but he was afraid that the other’s reaction wouldn’t be pleasant.

 - You know, it’s strange. Usually, people are faced with the opposite problem. -

 - I think that the main problem is that I come from a distinguished family, so a lot of people see the gain in trying to get close to us. Besides, being the only known heir to the van Zieks is something that intrigues many… I thought that after the Professor’s case they would calm down seeing as my brother was actually the Professor who shocked London in terror all along; I was wrong. Apparently, the prestige and the money my family’s name carries blinds people completely. Yesterday I was returning here after a trial and he withheld me in his office with talks about my age, about the importance of settling down… it was a bit overwhelming. -

 Well, once he got it out, he went with it at full force. Asougi never saw his mentor venting like that.

 - Well, it is a stressful situation. May I help? – He didn’t know what advice he could give him. He had never been in that kind of situation before. Growing up in the Mitsuba household, where persona freedom and aspirations were valued above everything else, he never felt pressured to build a family whatsoever as long as he was pursuing a path he loved in his life. Suddenly, he felt really grateful to Yuujin for allowing him to grow up this way. Not that Genshin would have been any different. He was sure about that. Probably, if he was still alive, he could have also voiced his opinion with the people of the van Zieks family.

 At Asougi’s words, Barok let out a sigh.

 - I know it’s strange coming from my part but… would you do me the favor of accompanying me to the reception? I feel that if there is someone with me, Chief Enfield might tone down his proposals. At least, I hope so. -

 Asougi laughed.

 - Well, I can get behind it, all right. I’m not very used to these kinds of social gatherings, but I feel like it will be all right. Uh, thanks for inviting me, I guess? – He didn’t know if it was proper to thank him for the invitation under such circumstances.

 Barok grinned.

 - It was my pleasure. –

The main hall was big, bigger than any place Asougi had ever been. The room was well illuminated with elegant and refined chandeliers. There were butlers walking around the crowd, asking guests if they needed something, from the most refined foods, to the most high-quality wines. Asougi was a bit overwhelmed by all that luxury: even in Japan, where he lived in a prestigious family, he wasn’t used to these kinds of receipts. Barok, from his part, looked like he was at ease. Not that he liked being in that kind of atmosphere too much, but he was indeed familiar to the rich people in sophisticated dresses chatting idly about trivial matters in small circles. Asougi kept following him, hoping that he wouldn’t be a bother; after all, he was invited by Barok himself in order for him to have someone to pretend he was talking to. Thus, it was preferable that he stuck to his side as much as possible. Asougi followed Barok as he took some food from the buffet table and had his wine poured from an elegantly dressed butler.

 - I’m not really a fan of the food here, but I guess those ingredients are so high quality that they make up for everything else. – Asougi didn’t want to tease Barok, who was doing his best to fix his opinion of Japanese people; he just wanted to be honest.

 - I admit the food is not the best that there is; however if we’re talking about wine that’s a different story. – The English prosecutor retorted while shaking lightly in circles his glass. The red wine in it followed his movements smoothly.

 - I know of your strong liking of wine; I mean, I opened a lot of bottles for you. Don’t tell me you forgot. -

 - I would never. This Godly nectar always remembers who did good deeds for its sake. -

 Barok smiled. Asougi looked at him as he was drinking several ‘Godly Chalices’ as he would call them, wondering if he had a special spell cast on his person, preventing him from ever succumbing to the effects of alcohol. Being used to different kinds of liquor, such as sake, Asougi was actually prepared to drink one or two glasses of wines. He liked that in this kind of situation he could see the same Barok he always looked at from his desk, but in a more relaxed contest, as he was indulging in idle talks with him.

 Suddenly, as Barok was talking about something a carriage driver told him two days ago, Asougi felt the other stiffen and look behind him with a worried look. For a moment he wondered what could make him so flustered – was it the wine? – but as he heard a familiar voice, he connected the dots. Barok emptied in one gulp the wine glass he was holding as the other man was approaching the two.

 - There you are, Barok. I thought I would not get the chance to see you this evening. -

 Asougi turned back to face the source of that voice. As he expected, Chief Enfield was there, a woman at his left side. She was a girl on her thirties, not much older than Asougi. She had a nice and elegant white and red dress, her hair combed in a sophisticated manner, with two curls adorning both sides of her faces. She was nice, Asougi thought. He wondered why Barok had never found someone he liked.

 He could see from the corner of his eye, that the English prosecutor held his glass a bit tightly; a clear sign that he was already uncomfortable in the presence of the new Chief of Justice. Asougi asked himself why social impression was so important for his fellow prosecutor that he would go under such stress to maintain it.

 - Oh, I see that tonight Prosecutor Asougi joined us too. How do you like English receptions? – Enfield asked.

 Asougi showed him his best smile. He knew that every host liked his guest to praise their home, so he just went with it.

 - I’ve never had the pleasure of being invited to such an event, so I have to thank Prosecutor van Zieks here for giving me such a nice opportunity. – He looked Barok straight in the eye while saying so, his lips curved into a sly smile. He could feel Barok being taken aback by his answer.

 As the discussion between the four of them – actually, three of them were participating as the poor girl, after greeting them with a small bow remained there to listen to them in silence – went on, Enfield took the occasion to introduce the girl to Barok. Apparently, she was the Chief of Police’s sister and Asougi’s presence was not enough to stop him from trying to set up Barok with someone.

 As if he wanted to give some unneeded privacy to the two of them, Enfield turned quite literally towards Asougi, making him take a step back and distancing himself from Barok.

 - What about you, Prosecutor Asougi? Do you have someone waiting for you back home? -

 Asougi was tempted to respond sarcastically, but he was afraid that this form of ‘Japanese humor’ in opposition to the better known English one would not be taken nicely by his interlocutor.

 He decided that lying was the best way to go.

 - Yes, my fiancée is waiting for me at home. I can’t wait to go back to my hometown to see her again. – He tried to sound as convincing as possible, and his mind pictured the image of Naruhodou for some reason when he was saying it.

 At his words, he clearly felt Barok looking at him, mildly concerned. The man then proceeded to drink in another gulp his wine glass. Asougi didn’t know when Barok needed to refill it again.

 After around twenty minutes which felt like an hour, Enfield and the nice lady waved the pair goodbye; the fair lady sent a sweet smile to Barok’s direction, which he responded to with a clumsy bow. He was clearly not at ease. After emptying another glass, Asougi asked him if he was okay. Barok looked at him in the eyes and Asougi could swear that was something in them; he couldn’t put his finger on it, though. Even though he drank so much wine, Barok seemed all right. Asougi wondered how he was able to contain that much alcohol in his body without succumbing to its effects. Asougi, from his part, could feel some kind of relapse from all the glasses he drank, prompted by his colleague. Something was intriguing about the way Barok moved and more than once he found himself wondering how his lips would feel on his. He would be lying to himself if he said that he had never thought about that before, especially when he didn’t have any memory and Barok was basically the only person who was willing to truly help him in that foreign land. Every time he shrugged it off as a trip born from his mind, something he should not give so much credit about. But, as Barok was asking him if he wanted to eat something else before going home, he found himself thinking that he actually wanted to kiss him to satisfy his hunger. That might have been a problem. Especially in that situation where Barok seemed to be as sober as ever and he was almost on the verge of jumping him here and now.

 Trying to swallow his emotions and feelings – he didn’t want to hinder the professional relationship he had with the English prosecutor – he asked Barok if it was okay going home for the night. He swore he sensed some kind of uneasiness at his request from Barok’s part but maybe it was the alcohol. It was surely the cause behind everything. He just needed to get home.

 Never mind that when they were riding the carriage, they sat way too close for Asougi to be comfortable. The way his shoulder brushed against Barok’s at every little bump present in the street. The inaudible sighs Asougi let out every time he stole glances at Barok’s lips who, by now, became irresistible. He wondered how it would feel to bite on them like he was actually eating them. Then, a strange and dangerous thought crept on the back of his mind. What if – and that was very big and important if – he didn’t want to get married because… oh my God. What was he thinking? Maybe he just didn’t feel like settling down at that moment. But he was already over the age of thirty. Even if he didn’t want to in his youth, it was high time to do it now. At that very moment, every single explanation he was able to conceive involved Barok liking guys in one way or another. Maybe it was worth a try. If he had been completely sober, he would have never gone along with it, it was so weird and dangerous. But at that moment… he wasn’t drunk enough to make the first move on him, though. He needed to be completely out of his mind.

 - Hey, you like your wine a lot, don’t you? – What a strange way to begin a conversation.

 - Yes, you are right. As you had the privilege to admire, I like to have quite the collection of Godly nectar bottles in my office. – It was funny how he referred to wine, Asougi thought.

 - Want to try something really strong? – He grinned at him, ignoring the confused brows on Barok’s head which formed after his suggestion. That was no turning back now. It was go big or go home. – Japanese alcohol. We call it sake. It is one of the things I miss the most from my hometown. -

 - I thought you would miss you fiancée the most, Prosecutor. – The other mused.

 Woah, that was a dangerous question. Why was the other suddenly so interested in his romantic life?

 - Heh, what fiancée. I lied, of course. Didn’t you get it? – He was good at uncovering lies in court, but he completely lost that ability in real life. At those words, his eyes widened. The last part of sober Asougi thought he owed him an explanation.

 - You told me how Enfield was; I didn’t want to be in your situation myself. – Barok laughed. Asougi was so tempted to kiss him. The atmosphere was much more relaxed now. They asked the driver to change his path and reached their office. Asougi thought he needed that cup of sake now.

The hallways of the Old Bailey were silent and everything was dark. He let Barok spoke to the doorkeeper at the entrance, he told him they had forgotten some important documents in their office. He was amazed at how easily he told that man so.

 When they got inside, Barok lighted only a few of the lamps present in his office. It wasn’t a level of illumination far away from the one they were used to work into. There was a nice and bright full moon outside and its feeble light shone faintly into the room, mixing with the warmer colors coming from the lamps.

 Asougi took out a container from a closet behind his desk. He casually took one of the ‘Godly chalices’, as Barok liked to call them and poured himself a drink. He was supposed to use a dedicated cup, sake was not supposed to drink in those sophisticated glasses. But, at that moment, he didn’t care. He just wanted to be drunk enough. Before helping himself, however, he offered a drink to his fellow prosecutor.

 - It’s not supposed to be drunk like this, you know. But we’ll have to accommodate for the time being. – Barok took the glass in his hand and took it to his lips. Asougi’s stare was fixated on him. He took a sip, then immediately put the glass back. – It’s kind of strong. How do you Japanese people manage to withstand this? -

 - It’s funny, coming from the one who emptied an extremely high amount of wine glasses during a single evening. – Asougi mocked him. He wondered if he overstepped his boundaries a bit when the other looked at him, sincerely taken aback. Asougi asked himself if the other wasn’t honestly aware of how much he was drinking. He probably never had the guts to mock him directly about his habits, but, right now, the alcohol was freeing him from any kind of bounds.

 - Do I drink that much? – Barok’s question came like a rumble of thunder during a clear sky.

 Asougi laughed. – Yes. Yes, you do. -

 Barok just looked at him. Asougi had never seen him smiling heartily. He always had his cold icy stare. Even when he occasionally laughed at a joke his superiors made he never let go of his mask.

 Asougi needed to drink. As he was about to take the glass Barok had previously placed on his desk, he felt the other prosecutor’s hands on his. The sudden closeness made him want to retreat, but he stayed still. He raised his head to make eye contact with the other, which was probably a bad idea, as his eyes immediately wandered on the other’s lips. They were a bit wet, from the alcohol earlier. Asougi thought that he wanted to lick him clean. He internally cringed at that shameful thought he had. He wasn’t even drunk. He suddenly felt the other’s icy stare on him.

 - What about Naruhodou? – Hearing his best friend’s name in that contest threw him off quite a bit. As he had known from the man himself, Barok used to call him ‘oriental’ as a way to mock his origins, but he toned down on his insults lately. Asougi was never called that way from him, however. He wondered what was the purpose of bringing up Naruhodou’s name now. It didn’t matter what he felt for his best friend. He was in Japan and was far far away from him. Too far away, to tell the truth. It didn’t matter now.

 - He told me you were his pride and joy. – Barok confessed. Asougi wondered why he was telling him that now. That man really didn’t know how to properly interact with others. For a moment, Asougi wondered what Naruhodou would have thought of that whole situation. He asked himself if he would be surprised, or maybe sad? To tell the truth, they had never been intimate, there were just kisses, stolen in a run-down wooden theatre, which was too hot for the summer they were experiencing. He would be lying if he said that he never imagined himself with his best friend. But there was never something said clearly, their feelings were better left untold. It was easier for them to keep on that way, so they had never to put their relationship in danger.

 - What about him? Do you want to fuck both of us? – Asougi even surprised himself while he was saying that. After all those years trying to save his face with Naruhodou, he blurted that out with Barok. The latter was visibly taken aback. Asougi didn’t even get to drink his glass of sake, yet he was saying this kind of thing. Maybe it was all the drinks he had before, but maybe he just wanted to kiss Barok and didn’t care about anything else. Let alone not wanting to hinder their professional relationship, with those words he was hindering his whole career, to begin with.

 - I’d rather have you fuck me right now. – Barok told Asougi that, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Apart from the shock from knowing that a collected man like Barok wanted to bottom, Asougi wondered how could he say something like that so easily. Maybe he had been too obvious when the alcohol had its effect on him. The shock made his heart pump faster, which kind of gave him a shred of clarity and shocked him from his drunkenness state. He kept staring at the older Prosecutor, unsure of what to do. Was it really okay?

 - That’s why I didn’t want you to be completely drunk. I don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret later. – He said, looking away from the other.

 Asougi knew he had to make a decision, and fast. A last quick look at Barok, at his figure, at his lips gave him the answer.

 Even if he wasn’t expecting it from someone like Barok, he wondered if Barok also liked to be ordered around in those kinds of situations. He was sure as hell he didn’t want anyone telling him what to do in his line of work, but what about private matters?

 He wanted to try.

 He strolled towards his desk and sat on it, using his hands as leverage. He then looked at Barok and invited him.

 - Come here, then. Let me kiss your nice lips, won’t you? – He was not really sure of what he was doing, but he deduced that he had to follow his instincts. Barok closed the distance between them and placed himself centimeters away from the other, noses just a few centimeters away from each other. Asougi couldn’t believe it. They were really there. He wanted to kiss him so badly, he couldn’t believe that he was about to do it. He felt ecstatic.

 Asougi took his chin in his hand, pressed on his cheeks with decisiveness and pulled him towards his face.

 Barok’s lips were just as he imagined. Tasty, soft, wet. He could taste the sake he had left on them; Asougi asked himself if the other did it on purpose to provoke him. He could tell that Barok succeeded. Asougi took his time kissing him, savoring every last bit of him. He never considered himself a great lover, but Barok’s reaction was surely giving a boost to his ego. That was so empowering. The older man began to shiver as soon as they started kissing and let out a shameless moan as soon as they separated. Asougi noticed that his leg was between Barok’s thighs and that the other was grinding on them. God, he was hard already. Did he have a boner ever since they came to that office?

 - So needy, - Asougi commented. Barok sighed as he was desperately looking for friction on Asougi’s leg. The latter couldn’t have ever imagined this side of his mentor, who was usually calm and collected. As he gave a particularly hard push to the other’s leg Asougi’s name fell from Barok’s lips. Asougi shuddered at the sudden intimacy he felt from being called by his first name. Those English people would not understand. He wanted to tell the other something, but his needy look, half-closed eyes filled with lust prompted him to stay silent. He wanted to know more about that particular side of the English prosecutor. As Barok asked for another kiss, to which he gladly complied, he bit his lower lip. Oh, he had wanted to do that for the whole evening. The other apparently liked that as he pushed his hard groin against his leg harder.

 - Do something for me too, won’t you? – Asougi jokingly asked. Taking Barok’s hand in his, he placed it on his other thigh, leading it where he wanted it the most. Barok started to feel and palm his limp dick, as he continued to search from friction himself.

 Asougi kissed him again, and while he was lost in that moment, he felt Barok’s hand trying to unbutton his trousers.

 - May I…? – There was still uncertainty in Barok’s voice, but there was no need to. He gladly complied and helped him.

 Barok took Asougi’s dick in his hands and started stroking it slowly but steadily. Asougi let out a sigh he was holding as he felt the other’s touch. He was growing hard under his touch and he bucked his lips upwards to match Barok’s movements.

 After breaking from their last kiss, Barok didn’t break the eye contact and he removed himself from Asougi’s leg. He lowered himself and rested his hand on the younger’s hip. Without warning, Barok took his full length in his mouth. Asougi let out a moan at that sensation and shamelessly couldn’t stop himself. It looked like the other knew what he was doing, and just thinking about him giving a blowjob to a stranger, oddly aroused him more. Asougi started painting, as he was fucking Barok’s face relentlessly. Barok, not satisfied with stroking himself from his trousers anymore, took his dick in his free hand and started stroking himself. His muffled moans were low but from the look, he was giving the other he was definitely enjoying himself. Asougi wanted to fuck him. Admittedly, he wanted also to be fucked but, at that moment, Barok asked him to take the reins. After Barok sucked hard on him, he felt on the verge of having an orgasm, but he stopped himself just in time. He wasn’t ready to end it right now.

 Between a sigh and a moan, he managed to call the other, asking him to stop so he could fuck him. Gosh, the mere thought was enough to make his dick twitch in anticipation.

 Now, it was Barok’s turn to sit on Asougi’s desk. Taken by the moment, he hit the glass he had placed on the edge of the desk earlier, making Asougi’s precious sake spill on the ground. Asougi was careful not to lower his back too much, in order to leave the paperwork he left on his desk properly placed. Barok, of course, was so into their activity that he didn’t care and after pushing his back on Asougi’s desk, he scattered everything that was on it all over. Asougi was displeased, but he knew how to make the other pay. He looked so hot in that position, back pressed to his desk and legs spread out, asking Asougi to fuck him senseless. Probably, in another situation, that would have been cringey and embarrassing but Asougi was so into it that he didn’t care. His mentor was hot. He wanted to be inside him, but he also had to make him pay.

 Using his hands to spread the other’s leg, Asougi let their dicks touch as he was stroking both of them at the same time. The friction from his hand and from the other’s dick made Asougi moan loudly. Barok could just grip the edge of his desk so firmly that his knuckles turned white. Asougi proceeded to stroke his balls and started circling the area between them and Barok’s asshole with decisiveness. Under his touches, Barok was becoming undone and let Asougi’s name spill from his lips over and over again. As Asougi was poking with his finger at Barok’s entrance, he thought that he didn’t really mind the other using his first name while he was finger fucking him. That whole situation felt intimate enough for him. Asougi was surprised as two fingers entered into the older Prosecutor so easily. He had definitely done a lot before. Maybe he was right about his desire not to marry. He had the confirmation that he liked being fucked by guys well enough.

 Asougi kept stroking their dicks with one hand while fingering Barok with the other. He didn’t know if it was an especially hard pump he gave himself, or a particular thrust from Barok, or a specific moan resembling his name coming from his lips. Asougi came just like that. He came hard, calling finally Barok’s name as he was riding out of his orgasm. He looked down at the other. His semen spilled all over Barok’s suit and a bit fell also on his desk.

 - Please, Kazuma, keep going. I’m close. – The other pleaded him. Asougi wondered is he should let him come. After all, his desk, his suit was a mess too.

 - Please… - The other pleaded again. He was so good at this. Barok’s hand started to pump on his needy length faster as Asougi sped up the pace he was fingering Barok with. Asougi pumped his finger in and out of the other’s entrance at a steady pace, using his finger to stretch him. He took his time when he was pushing them inside, savoring the pained expression Barok made as he was begging to be filled. Sometimes, without warning, he would push his fingers all the way in without warning and Barok would scream his name loudly, begging him to fuck him more. God, he was so needy.

 Barok also came, as hard as the other, adding to the mess Asougi had already made. It was hot seeing their semen mixed together and Asougi leaned in for a kiss. He felt like he didn’t taste the other’s lips enough. After indulging in the afterglow of the orgasm for a bit, Barok raised himself from the table.

 Asougi had already dressed himself back while trying to clean his suit.

 - Sorry… for this. – Barok told him, a bit apologetic. Asougi could see that he was amused by that whole situation, even if his usual cold demeanor and attitude would never allow him to show such emotions in front of him. Asougi thought that there was plenty of time to play these kinds of games with that very stubborn man.

 - You’re not. – Asougi retorted, laughing.

 Maybe that spoiled and bratty side of Barok wasn’t so bad.

  

 

In love’s war, he who flieth is conqueror.

 Yay, nuovo fill! Non sono completamente soddisfatta della storia. Vorrei riuscire a scrivere qualcosa di bello per loro due, sono una coppia così sbagliata...

M4, sesta settimana.
Prompt: storia con 2 POV di lunghezza uguale (2222w e 2222w a testa) / arranged/political marriage
Fandom: Fate/Grand Order
Pairing: Cù Chulainn (Alter) / Medb 
Warnings: NSFW. Eeeee kind of Modern!AU

Cù heard a noise. A rustle. He felt a cold hand on his waist. It was summer, where the weather wasn’t so merciful so he liked to sleep with only his boxers on. Her hand started drawing small circles on his hip, went a bit higher, then tried to go lower, near his pants. He felt a warm body pressed to his; he felt her chest pressed against his back, she was rubbing slowly against him. Suddenly, he felt her breathing on his neck and her lips were placing a small kiss on his back. Which was strange, since she wasn’t usually up for this kind of romantic shit. At least, not with her. She liked him because he wasn’t. How sad.

 He wanted to pretend he was asleep for a little longer, maybe she would give up. Heh, what he was thinking about? She never gave up; she had never. She would keep on with her ministrations until he woke. He decided to drop the act and tried to stop her.

 - Medb. Do you want to do it now? I had already told you no this afternoon. It’s hot, it’s late and tomorrow we have to wake up early for the reunion. -

 A small chuckle came from behind him.

 - Oh Cù, you meanie. You were awake? – She pressed her forehead to his back this time, snuggling.

 - No, you woke me up. – He lied.

 - Heh, liar. – He knew it. He had never been able to keep something from her. He was never able to run away from her, either. Maybe in another timeline, another world, in other circumstances… not now.

 - I told you, we have to sleep. – He knew it was futile.

 - Owh, you’re no fun, baby. I will be fast. I promise. – She slurred. – I don’t think we will miss out on anything very interesting if we go late to the meeting tomorrow. Our people are capable of handling the situation even if we’re not there, you’re aware of that. – Her soft voice hardened but only a bit. She liked to keep the fake sweet airs up. But she was the devil, and Cù knew better than anyone else.

Medb was rich, spoiled and bratty. If she had been born earlier, she could have been a queen. Right now, she was the heir of Connacht Entertainment, the most famous gaming software house in the world. She could be referred to as a self-made woman, perhaps. It was true that she was born into a rich family, to begin with, but she used her charms and her personality to bring her company to the top of the markets. Dyed pink hair, a fringe, a (fake) doll expression, and that hyperactive attitude: she was the dream of every man; it was a given that she would be successful, especially in a world where males were the majority. She usually held her men in the palms of her hands, her subordinates were more than happy to work for her. Even if nasty rumors spread around a lot, she didn’t care: her charisma and her charm were far more powerful than her haters. It wasn’t like people badmouthing her were completely wrong: she was stubborn and headstrong. Once she fixated on something – or someone, like in his case – she would get it. If her sugar talking wasn’t enough, she would use money. If her money was not enough, she would use her body. It wasn’t hard for her. She hadn’t met a lot of people who weren’t interested in either one of her winning points. Cù wondered if she ever met someone who rejected her. If she had not, that would explain a lot. It would be clear why she was so fixated on him. He was the only one that didn’t submit to her charms or money; he was the only one she couldn’t have. Thus, he was the only one she wanted. The mere thought made Cù sick.

 He didn’t want this. He didn’t ask to become like this. He swore he was different in the past. He had dreams and ambitions back then. He wanted to be successful at his work – Ulster For Man was a very known brand producing suits and all sorts of elegant menswear – so he could have enough money to travel the world. His father had already a business that earned a lot, he just was to inherit it.

 Cù had something in common with Medb. He was attractive and handsome. But, contrary to her, he didn’t care about that. He had spent one or two – maybe more, he was not able to remember that now – intimate moments with his private tutor; she was older than him, but he didn’t care. She was also a difficult woman but in the end, he liked being with her. Their constant bickering was something Cù missed; maybe he wasn’t cut out for having luck with women. Even when his private teacher left her work – and him – without a second word, Cù was able to accept it. He had still his job, his money. He could still live the life he wanted. That was until he met her.

 Medb wanted to buy his company. She tried to make their actions and investments go bad but, unfortunately for her, Cù was very well versed in the finance field. Taking into his hands his father’s empire, he defeated Medb and her society utterly, making her lose a conspicuous sum of money. Thinking back about that now, he wondered how Medb fell in love with him after he made her lose at least a third of her asset. Maybe what the girl was feeling for him wasn’t true love. He had his doubts that she could feel love at all.

 He thought he had defeated her and he would probably have if that was a different reality, if their war was a war fought with lancers and swords. Instead, they were fighting with numbers and Medb was not someone who could accept her defeat easily.

 She asked her father for his hand. Which was hilarious. Usually, it’s the man’s family asking for the lady’s hand. But she didn’t care about that. She wanted him. Cù never fully understood the dynamics behind her whims, her ways of thinking were far beyond him.

 He didn’t know – and maybe he didn’t want to – how Medb convinced his family to take her as his bride; he hoped that his father was attracted to her money, he didn’t dare to imagine the other possibilities. But it happened in a second. She acted like it wasn’t a big deal; she was marrying him, she was, in a way, making him a king. He would be the heir of a majestic empire. He didn’t realize it immediately but when he did, something inside him snapped. It was like he was becoming a different person. Maybe it was a defensive mechanism from his head, maybe he just didn’t want to suffer anymore. He just stopped caring. About his dreams, about his desires. About everything else but the success of his own company. After his betrothal to Medb, his father finally decided to pass the reins to him; he had always been dubious about his son, he was scared that he would abandon everything, seeing that he wanted to be free like the wind in a sense. When Medb tied him down in her clutches, his father knew that he could trust his son. It wasn’t the trust a beloved father placed in the son who was making him proud. It was more like the high bet a dealer was making on a hopeless fighting dog that had lost everything and just wanted to live. He exploited to the fullest the privileges that came with being tied with such a renowned company and their profits and actions skyrocketed.

 The two of them had never had a proper date before the actual marriage. They didn’t need to; there was no romance, no love. He wondered if Medb was looking for some kind of sentiment in their relationship; Cù found out that he didn’t care. It was Medb herself who took away the part of him who could love her, willingly. Cù wondered why he ended up having such bad luck with women, he didn’t deserve it.

 The first time they were together was at their wedding. Medb wanted to have him powerless and unable to do anything to escape before beginning her courting. There was some sort of purity about the two of them not consuming before their marriage – even if both of them were more than knowledgeable on the matter.

 Cù had to admit that Medb was a decent lover, talking purely about the sexual part. He could understand why she had so many men who wanted her. She had a nice body, perfectly proportioned and she knew how to enhance her qualities. She was confident and good at what she was doing. She wasn’t shy when during their first night together she urged Cù on the bed and blew him off right there. Of course, Cù was not hard and a lot of girls would not like to give a blowjob at that moment but she didn’t care. It wasn’t for him; it was never about him. She was doing it for her, to prove to him that she owned him, even if he didn’t want her. Much to Cù’s displeasure, Medb was very skilled and he was ashamed to admit that it felt good, way too good. The frustrating thing about the whole situation was that Medb was totally in control and she loved to make him feel helpless like he was just her toy. A lot of men loved that, and even if they didn’t they would change their mind under her touches and caresses. It was empowering for her.

 Cù didn’t care. Orgasming in her mouth or inside her other hole didn’t matter. It was like his soul was detached from his body: if she had been different he would have enjoyed a feisty girl like her, his body liked her attention way too much.

Like their first time, like now, Cù didn’t care. He just wanted to be king. Her king? Well, it was not like I had not a choice in the matter, to begin with. He had never a choice. He sighed as he felt Medb’s hand sliding on his pants. She took his ear lobe in her mouth and began sucking it. By now, she knew every weak spot he had. But Cù knew that she would never have his soul. His iron will was what she liked about him in the first place. The domination she wanted to have in the bedroom, the way she dragged him out of a meeting room only to trap him in the toilet to make out… those were her ways to make him surrender to the bitter truth. He had accepted it, but he would not yield.

 Using her leg as leverage, she turned her lover towards her, climbing over him. Cù let her do that. He had his back pressed to the mattress and Medb put her hands on his broad chest and felt him. She let out a satisfied sigh as she began grinding against his crotch. Cù closed his eyes and let his mind wander. He felt her lips on his. They were soft. He wondered how it would have felt to kiss a girl who felt for him sincere feelings, who didn’t want him just because he was someone she couldn’t have. She took her time kissing him, savoring him, she wanted everything. She was so greedy. His mind was so far away from his body that he didn’t notice that she was already taking off his pants and readying herself to be taken by him. Only after he was fully inside her, he was forced to return to his room and to look at her. Eyes half-closed, filled with lust. Her breathing was erratic. He heard his name murmured over and over again, like a chant.

 - Cù, Cù, Cù… my dear Cù, you feel so good. You’re such a good boy, my good boy… – She was praising him.

 He knew she was just praising herself.

 He finished inside her, as she wanted him to. He let out a moan he didn’t want to, but in the end, it didn’t even matter. She came after him; Cù suspected she came because of his orgasm since she was able to drive him over the edge before her.

 She looked at him and smiled. That was the smile of the devil, the smile of a girl who had what she wanted but it was never enough. She never got enough of him. He would not give in into her temptations; not because he did not want, but because she made him unable to.

 That was her way to love and maybe the only part of her that Cù accepted in full.

 She didn’t want to be loved, she just wanted to be challenged.

 ‘That’s so sad.’ Cù thought, after watching her climbing down from him and going to sleep again.

 

 

 

 

 

Medb opened her eyes. She was tired – it was the middle of the night – but she was feeling a familiar sensation in her stomach. Maybe it was Cù’s proximity that made her feel that way. He had already rejected her that afternoon, saying that he was too busy with work. Oh, how he loved defying her. It was so arousing. She couldn’t wait so she fingered herself while thinking of him. But now, he didn’t have any excuse. It was the middle of the night. Sure, they had to wake up early tomorrow, but he owed her a little quickie to repay his terrible offense of the afternoon. She began drawing closer to him, circling his waist with her hand, resting it on his hip. She stopped for a moment to listen to his breath. He probably wasn’t sleeping. He was pretending to ignore her. He loved her Cù when he was doing this. The fact that he didn’t want her even when she was so, so appealing – every man in the world would have agreed – drove her crazy. She wanted him now. She knew that even if their bodies had become one more times than she could remember, he had never been truly hers. Medb began massaging his hip, then proceeded to feel his chest – God, how she adored his muscles -  then she decided she had waited for enough time now – a whole minute – and started to go down. It was a hot summer and he was only wearing boxers. She was shameless, though, and liked to sleep naked. It’s not like that made a difference to her man. Maybe, once, it would have. But she knew that she changed him forever. In a way, that made her his. But she was never satisfied, she wanted more. As she was beginning to rub herself too, in a whim of romanticism, – that shit was never her cup of tea, but her Cù drew sides of her she didn’t know – she placed a soft kiss on the back of his neck. After hearing his breath stop for a moment – did she manage to surprise him, for once? – she internally rejoiced. She knew he was faking it, the challenge was to drive him to drop his act.

- Medb. Do you want to do it now? I had already told you no this afternoon. It’s hot, it’s late and tomorrow we have to wake up early for the reunion. –

He was so cold, as usual. That turned her on more. She was more decided than ever.

- Oh Cù, you meanie. You were awake? – She decided to snuggle against him, she knew he hated when she was faking sweetness.

 - No, you woke me up. – He was such a bad liar.

 - Heh, liar. – She was sorry for her dear Cù but she had seen through his lies so many times.

 - I told you, we have to sleep. – ‘Oh, my lovely Cù, you know it’s futile.’ she thought.

 - Owh, you’re no fun, baby. I will be fast. I promise. – She slurred. – I don’t think we will miss out on anything very interesting if we go late to the meeting tomorrow. Our people are capable of handling the situation even if we’re not there, you’re aware of that. – Medb let her soft voice hardened but only a bit. Even if he was aware already, she wanted to clear up that her sweet attitude was just a façade and she didn’t like people opposing her. She never had, and that was why her Cù loved to always reject her. They were such a great match.

 

 It wasn’t like she was desperate for love. She had never been for that matter. Being the brilliant and fantastic leader of the Connacht Entertainment, a super famous gaming software house, the best in the whole world, she had men around every time. She liked the attention, she liked the fact that if she couldn’t win someone over with her father’s money, she would just use her body. She felt at the top of the world. For Medb, men were easily divided into two categories: who was willing to follow her tempted by her money and who wanted to fuck her. There was no exception to that rule. There was a man, – a boy at that time – the son of the manager if the sales department of her company. His name was Fergus. Medb liked to entertain him a lot and he was always so ready to fuck her. However, after a while, everything became boring. Fergus was just thinking of himself and his attentions became kind of annoying. Her other flings were just after her wealth. Some of them only cared about her body. They were the worst. Even if she liked being the center of so much attention, she felt like she was missing something. She felt that what she had was not enough.

 That was when she met him. Her dear Cù was born in a fairly wealthy family, which main business was selling mainly suits and menswear – Ulster for Man. Needless to say, her beloved Cù didn’t fit in any of the two aforementioned categories. One day, she overheard some of his father’s underlings talking about him, a talented young man, the heir of Ulster For Man. They were saying that the boy was handsome and Medb was sure he knew of his charms. There were so many interesting rumors about him – an illicit relationship with his private teacher which was never confirmed nor denied by him, no matter how many times she tampered him with questions after their marriage. It wasn’t jealousy. She just wanted to know more about his life and weaknesses so she could exploit them. As soon as Mebd knew of him, she felt that she needed to own him. Not a mere one-night stand. She wanted to have him.

 She tried putting his company on its feet, at the beginning. She had the help of several people skilled in the field of finance. But he was stronger, he was able to defeat her. That only made Medb crave for him more. She knew there was only a way of owning him completely. She had to trap him in an arranged marriage. It wasn’t hard to convince his father. He belonged to the first category, but Medb didn’t care if she had to convince him using other means.

 Medb didn’t realize it at first, but it became clear as they shared their first night together. The whole situation was kind of hilarious. Medb and Cù hadn’t even had a first date or anything of the sort before getting married, she didn’t try to bed him before. She knew she had plenty of time to do it afterward, after all. This kind of situation made Medb all giddy, like a high-schooler dealing with her first boyfriend. During the whole marriage reception, she kept staring at him, dressed in his perfect ‘homemade’ suit. She kept wondering how it would feel to share the same bed. She couldn’t wait. If it wasn’t for public decency – which she never held in high consideration, anyway – she would have jumped on him there and at that moment.

Medb realized it during their first night together. She had some suspicions and doubts about it during the reception but, having never actually interacted with her lovely Cù from a romantic perspective, she couldn’t know. Upon that realization, Medb felt so accomplished. In a way, that meant her dear Cù had already become hers. From the tales she heard about him he was rampant and full of passion. The man she met at her wedding had still a trace of that fervor that made her fall, but he had also discarded everything else. It was like he was given a purpose in life – a purpose he didn’t want at all – and that he was living only to fulfill. A king wanting to conquer the world, in a sense. And she was the queen who had given him the power to do so. That was amazing.

 In bed, her dear Cù was perfect. That was because he wasn’t like the other men. He had never sung her praises never told her she was beautiful. But – and Medb regarded that as a success – his body was indeed succumbing to her charms. Their first night she immediately wanted him, she took immediately the initiative. She took him in her mouth, she didn’t care that he wasn’t hard. She wanted to prove him without doubts that she owned, at least his body. Even if wouldn’t be able to own his soul. She watched him, carefully. Every movement she made, she was watching him. It was arousing seeing him tremble under her touches, it was empowering seeing him trying to deny to himself that he was indeed liking it.

At one point, she felt that her dear Cù surrendered to that fact. He accepted that his body liked hers, he accepted that there was nowhere to run. He still didn’t want to give her his soul. But she wanted it, oh she wanted it so much. She wanted everything of her dear Cù, he was so perfect. The way he was so cruelly scolding his underlings when they failed to achieve a favorable contract. It was amazing. He was like an animal, even if he wouldn’t admit it. She loved the way he was pursuing what she made him want.

She heard him sigh as she put a hand in his pants. That sighs were like music to her ears, her dear Cù always knew how to please her. Licking his lobe, rubbing her bare breasts against his back, she wanted to find his weak spots. She wanted to render him defenseless. Thoughts of that morning, when she dragged him to the bathroom to make out with him, began filling her mind. That was great. She loved the way he was looking annoyingly at the ceiling when she had his dick in her hands. She was never bored again after her lovely Cù came into her life. He was always a challenge she had to win.

Seeing that he had indeed proved to her that he was awake, Medb used her leg to climb over him and she pressed his back to the mattress. He looked so good under her. No matter how many men she had slept with, how many men praised her and thanked their Gods to be in her bed, they would never be like her Cù. Medb wanted to use her foulard to tie his hands to the headboard. She liked it when her beloved Cù wasn’t unable to move. Not like he had ever touched her, in any way. He never caressed her, never fondled her breasts. Out there, men would kill themselves in an arena to be allowed on Medb’s bed and he just didn’t care. The mere thought of that drove the girl crazy. She wanted him so much. She wanted him to be inside of her. She closed the distance between her faces and started kissing him. Grinding against his crotch, she gasped as she felt her lover become hard under the friction she was providing. She looked down at him. He had his eyes closed, he was trying to separate his mind from his body, in order not to succumb to Medb’s temptations. Medb loved how hard she was making his life from him. How cute. When he was ready, she began fucking herself on his length. She began moaning and saying his name endlessly. Her dear Cù was so perfect, she was everything she needed to make her life whole. She loved him so much, her Cù, her beloved Cù… She only wanted him in her life.

- Cù, Cù, Cù… my dear Cù, you feel so good. You’re such a good boy, my good boy… – She was praising him. She loved him so much.

She felt him finish inside her. That was always the best part. It was when she was defeating him, it was when his body finally crumbled under her. As she heard him softly moaning, being invested at the moment, she came. The feeling of being acknowledged by the only person in the world who wouldn’t give to her what she wanted was too much.

Medb smiled at him. She was satisfied. Even if he didn’t dare to touch her this time either, even if he didn’t call her name when she was moving over him, she didn’t care. There was always next time, right? There were endless next times. He lovely Cù had nowhere to run to. She would surrender to her someday. Medb was sure of that. She wanted to watch him come undone. She wanted his soul to crumble under her. There was no better feeling in the world than to own another completely. Every other being gave that honor to her way too quickly. She couldn’t wait to own her dear Cù.

‘I’m so glad I met you, my dear Cù.’ Medb thought, after climbing down from him and letting herself fall into slumber once again.

 

Attendre, et espérer

 Allora la storia di questa fanfiction è andata più o meno così:

io, la settimana scorsa: haha, non è possibile che in fate ci sia davvero il conte di Monte Cristo con la faccia di Komaeda, sono dei pazzi, tutto ciò è ridicolo
sempre io, all'inizio di questa settimana: E SE fosse proprio tempo di scrivere qualcosa di Edmond e Gudako????
Comunque è fate go è una cosa tremenda, let me tell you. 

M4, sesta settimana.
Prompts: storia ciclica / and it was all a dream
Fandom: Fate/Grand Order
Paring: Edmond Dantès/Gudako (Fem!MC)

With a sigh, Gudako opened her eyes. The white ceiling of her room in Chaldea stared back at her. She felt her head spin as soon as she opened her eyes, she couldn’t understand why. She presumably went to sleep, didn’t she? Why was she so tired, then? She had to admit that the training she was conducting together with Mash and her other Servants was brutal, to say the least. There weren’t many other choices, though: to face the new Singularity, Gudako and her team had to be ready.

 Could it be that all those Rayshifts had damaged her body and she was now unable to sleep?

 - Senpai? -

 A voice shook her up from her thoughts. Looking in front of her, Gudako saw Mash, who was watching her with an expression that was both worried and confused. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, probably uncomfortable because she didn’t want to lean on her too much – probably not to disturb her while she was asleep. Her hands were gripping the hem of her white sweater and her lips were curled in a pained expression. Suddenly, as if she remembered something, she stood up from Gudako’s back.

 - I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to sit on your bed… - She said, apologetically.

 - Hey, don’t worry! It’s fine! – Gudako answered promptly.

 - It’s just that when I came to wake you up this morning, you wouldn’t answer my calls. I was a bit worried, so I went into your room. I found out that you were still asleep, but it looked like you were in pain… are you okay? -

 Gudako could feel the worry in her Servant’s voice. She didn’t know what had happened to her – something did happen, though. She had never felt so tired after sleeping quite a lot. She was sure that the night before she went to bed fairly early, leaving Edison and Tesla to their bickering in the Command Room, while poor Mash and Helena were trying to calm the two troublemakers. She felt a bit sorry for the two girls, but now that she was thinking about it, she had been tired the whole week. However, Gudako didn’t want Mash to worry too much about her. During her last check-up with Romani, everything was fine, so there was no need to worry.

 If her body was alright, there was nothing wrong with her, was it?

 Or maybe…?

 Memories from some time ago suddenly made their way into Gudako’s mind. Now that she thought about it, there was a time where her physical body wasn’t in danger, but her mind was. Could it be that something similar was happening now…? Could that mean that she would get to see him soon?

Attendre, et espérer.

Those were the last words he said before leaving her for good. Just remembering those moments made her entire body shudder. He said that it was indeed possible for the two of them to see each other again. She tried summoning him many times while she was having those dreams of the Prison Tower – nightmares? Visions? She didn’t know how to call them – but she didn’t succeed. She waited. She hoped. But he was nowhere to be found. Nor in her dreams, nor in her Servants lineup.

Gudako wondered if he would know the answer to what she was going through right now. He was usually involved when other consciousness’ dimensions were there. The girl didn’t even know how to go back to the Prison Tower, as the first time it happened because he was trapping her in it. She had never understood why he chose to trap her, nor his true intentions.

However, those things didn’t matter now. She had work to do.

Smiling softly to her Shielder, she tried to stand up from her bed. The training regimen scheduled for that day was as severe as the others, so she had to get ready fast. As she was trying to get up, a piercing headache struck her and she was forced to close her eyes and fall back to her bed.

She let out a low whimper as she found herself on a harder mattress than she remembered her bed to be. Her headache toned down after the previous sharp pain and she opened her eyes.

 The room was dimly lit. She was in a cell. She knew that place. She had been there before. Gudako didn’t know why but suddenly sitting on a hard and cold mattress wasn’t so bad, because of the implications of the situation she was in. The cell was as she remembered it, stark and dark. Outside of it, there was the usual hallway that led to the stairs she walked every time she accompanied him to defeat one of the spirits trapped in his castle.

 She wondered when he would come to her cell to get her. Wait, why would he even?

 It wasn’t like he had summoned her there, did he? Could it be that she traveled there by herself? Seeing as Jeanne D’Arc came willingly to that place last time, maybe it was something Gudako was able to do, too.

 Gudako decided to wait for him for another moment. After all, time as she knew it had no meaning in that place.

As she heard a scream far far away, Gudako suddenly stood from the cell bed. Was that a ghost screaming? Like the ones she saw when she went helping miss Shiki in that strange building? Now that she was thinking about it, that was when she first met him. He was nothing but a flame back then, a vengeful spirit who didn’t have a body yet. He was just the embodiment of the feelings of revenge owned by people. Gudako couldn’t understand why a sad story such as his was so acclaimed by the general public. True, the man had his charms – which affected her more than she would ever admit – but that was another story.

 She wanted to see him so badly.

 After she heard another frightening scream, she decided that it was time to look for him. She could indeed summon her Servants even in that place, but she knew that without his iron will to keep the ghosts at bay she would have been doomed. Plus, she wanted to see him again.

Wait and hope. Gudako felt that she had hoped, and waited, namely in that cell, enough. She was going to seize her fate with her hands.

As Gudako approached the cell’s door, she tried pushing lightly at the wet bars. The door didn’t move. Well, it wasn’t surprising since even if the whole building wasn’t even a real prison, it had to feel like one. Okay, what now? Gudako didn’t know what to do.

Wait and hope. Attendre, et espérer.

Sighing, she began looking around. The room was empty, except for the worn-down bed. Smiling softly as the way he accurately decorated his prison, she started looking for a way to escape that cell. As she was going around in circles, she accidentally kicked something made of metal, judging from the noise it made when her feet hit it. Gudako glanced down. It was a spoon.

‘Oh, God. He doesn’t want me to do that.’

She took her head to the wall. Silence. Silence? Except for a faint scraping.

‘Oh God, he can’t be serious.’ Gudako looked down at the spoon again. While it was true that the flow of time in that place wasn’t the same as in Chaldea, she didn’t want to do it. She was sure to go crazy if she were to scrape the wall with that spoon, as he did in his novel. As she crouched down, taking the spoon into her hands, she wondered if she had made the right choice by reaching out to him. It wasn’t like her to doubt her feelings like this, but sometimes she felt so lost…

Wait and hope, yeah. But wasn’t that a bit too much?

- What are you doing here? – A voice resonated in the faint light of the cell. Gudako couldn’t help but gasp at the surprise – why was he so keen on making those surprise appearances? – and immediately turned to the voice. There he was. That familiar figure Gudako got so familiar with not so long ago. Back resting on the opposite wall, he was watching her with his arms crossed around his chest. He was dressed in his usual black suit. Scanning her from his position, he looked surprised, but also pleased. Well, his face was as stern as ever but Gudako had already learned how to read the minimal changes in his tone or the way his lips curved when he was talking to her. The girl felt her heart beat faster. She hoped he would not hear it.

- Count… - She managed to say, standing up. To tell the truth, she wanted to dash toward him. But she refrained from doing it, as he would not have appreciated the gesture.

- Our temporary contract has ended… what are you doing here? – He repeated his question.

 Well, Gudako wasn’t sure about what to tell him. It’s not like she knew exactly what she was doing there too. She just knew that she had some… issues during her subconscious sleeping state and that, maybe, he could be the one helping her.

- Well, I… - She started. – I wanted to see you. – What was she doing? Well, it wasn’t technically false, but…

Edmond raised an eyebrow at her words, then he started laughing.

 - So, have you decided to switch places with me? Have you decided to become my Abeè Faria and free me from my suffering? -

 Well, if she had been able to summon him, yes, she would have freed him from that place.

 Dantès brought a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes.

 - Well, I couldn’t even begin to imagine you would come to me willingly. I thought there would be the people you call your friends back at the place you call home, helping you with this matter. This isn’t a place you might want to wander into, this isn’t a place where you want to leisure. I understand that, for you to come here, you must have a serious matter you want to talk to me about. I am able to at least make a guess. You fight, you make contact every day with heroic spirits and you defeat them, countless times. There a subconscious dimension, a different space from the one you go when you have a pleasant dream. In that fragment of oneiric place, every grudge, illusion, resentment gather and when you are sleeping everything tries to overwhelm you. It is dangerous to leisure in there, and normally you protect yourself by staying away and going into a slumber with no dream. But, my temporary Master, you are different. You are curious, you want to know everything. That was why we met here in the first place. You crossed that dimension and you shouldn’t have. Now the angry spirits of the remnants of heroic spirits you defeated want to devour your soul. If I could be there… in the place you call Chaldea – and while saying its name, the man looked at Gudako straight in her eyes – that would be different. I would shoulder the weight of protecting your sleep and your dreams. I would even become a nightmare for your sake. But I wasn’t able to reach you; I wanted to call you Master, but fate didn’t let me. Is this a punishment God is giving me for trapping all those spirits into this tower? –

- I’m sorry I wasn’t able to summon you in Chaldea. But, believe me, I tried. I tried so much, I wanted to see you again, Edm… I mean, Count. – Gudako corrected herself, as she remembered the difficult relationship the man had with his True Name.

At those words, he looked puzzled, surprised. Was he not expecting that Master he grew so attached to reciprocate whatever he was feeling? He used her to have his revenge on the Spirits of human sinners, he used her for his revenge, and yet, she yearned for him? That situation brought a familiar feeling to his chest, a feeling when he was alive, a woman he loved dearly…

But he was different. He wasn’t Edmond Dantès. He was the Count of Monte Cristo, the one who executed his revenge on the people who wronged him and for the same definition of his heroic spirit, he would never get the retaliation his novel counterpart got. And yet, why he was living the same emotion the real Edmond felt?

- I might have a solution. – He suddenly said. He looked unsure of it, but it was like he had an epiphany. – I can still protect you in some ways; at least until you manage to properly summon me. –

- Can I? – Gudako asked, full of hope.

- Yes, you certainly can, my temporary Master. You have been capable of much more astounding feats in this Château d'If. – He stopped himself for a moment, looking at the way Gudako smiled remembering the time they spent together. – But, there is a condition. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but, as you taught me during the last time we were together that the human sins I despised so much, those very same sins that condemned me to this prison I hated so much in life, were indeed a part of the human soul. They are what makes a human. The very essence of their soul. It isn’t possible to live without them. That was the reason I hated humans, even myself, so much. That holds for you, too. Could you guess where I’m going? –

Gudako could only hold her breath in anticipation. She wasn’t sure she was following him correctly, but…

- I’m going to spell it out for you. There is no need to circle it. To remain within your soul even if I’m not properly summoned in Chaldea, I have to attach myself to you using one of the sins that characterize humans. – He moved his hand under his chin, deep in thoughts. – I was thinking that gluttony might be the easiest one. Share one of the life pleasures. However, there is no way to have a smoke here. But I can’t wait to have one as soon as I get summoned in your Chaldea base. – He smiled.

- Then… - Gudako started walking around the room, looking for ideas. – what about sloth? We can lay in bed, wasting our time here together? – She proposed, unsure of what she was saying.

- Your voice betrays you. You know it’s not going to work. Time here is different from Chaldea and it wouldn’t count as true slothfulness; furthermore, if you let yourself go in this place, you might end up lost forever in these realms and you could never come back to Chaldea again. –

Gudako sighed. She was so dangerously close to Edmond now.

- Don’t even start thinking about it. You must not get close to me. It is dangerous if you get involved, as my nature as an Avenger might put you in danger. –

- Count… - Gudako began and it became unbearable for him to keep looking at her any longer, so he had to turn his eyes away. – I don’t care. I want to get involved with you. I don’t want to leave you alone. You lent me your strength so many times, we fought so many battles together… I came here willingly, I came here for you. –

- You are such a troublesome Master. –

- You asked me for yourself in this very tower. ‘Have you ever felt lust?’ –

Edmond winced at his own words being said by her. Why did she have such an influence over him?

- I think you should stop. I applaud your braveness, but… -

- It’s like Mana transfer, isn’t it? – Gilgamesh had told her everything she needed to know.

- It’s way simpler than that. As you might imagine, for the soul it takes but a moment to be bound to the soul of another. The true question is, are you ready to shoulder the weight that comes from having a connection to me? -

 - This is nothing. I went against Saint Jeanne D’Arc for your sake, do you remember? The very symbol of righteousness and sanctity. I’ve been scared in the past, even minutes ago. But you always proved me wrong, Count. - She looked firmly into his eyes. - I’ve never been so ready for anything else in my life. – The girl simply responded. That was cheesy, sure, but she meant it.

She got close to the man – he was taller than her. She rose on the tip of her toes and brought her face only centimeters away from Edmond’s surprised one. As fast as she could, she closed the distance between them, brushing her lips softly against his. Her hands lightly brushed his, and he took it firmly in his. She didn’t know what to expect, but Edmond’s lips were warm, like the flame he was holding in his heart. Gudako decided that she liked it. It was brief, but it was so intense. Gudako felt her heart burst up in flames, Edmond’s feelings overflowing directly in hers, becoming one. It was overwhelming; she never thought that she could feel so close to a man that was always so detached from reality. Gudako thought it would hurt, she thought she would feel her soul go up in flames. Nothing of that ever happened. With her Count, even if he wanted to push her away so desperately, she never felt pain or anguish. She just wanted to be close to him, to ease his pain. She wanted to be there for him. She wanted to kiss him again. And again. She wanted to have tea with him, she wanted to stay close to him, enjoying the moment.

- Master, you should go. I’m sure they are waiting for you. We can indulge in these activities when you properly summon me. – He smiled.

- When can I… - Gudako started, but she stopped herself. She already knew the answer.

With a sigh, Gudako opened her eyes. The white ceiling of her room in Chaldea stared back at her. She felt her head spin as soon as she opened her eyes, she couldn’t understand why. Did she faint? She didn’t remember what she was doing. Why was she so tired? Was it the Rayshifts’ fault?

 - Senpai? -

 A voice shook her up from her thoughts. Looking in front of her, Gudako saw Mash who was watching her with an expression that was both worried and confused.

 - Mash? What happened? – Gudako asked her. She was sure she had already made a similar discussion with her Servant.

 - Are you okay? You were just about to get up when your eyes suddenly got vacant. Are you okay? -

 It didn’t take long this time. Those words resonated into her head almost immediately.

Attendre, et espérer.

Wait and hope. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t summoning him for the time being. Their souls were connected and the bond they forged was more strong than any contract she could ever make with any Servant. Waiting and hoping. For the sake of seeing him again, if it could make her hold his heart, his soul in her hands once again.

‘What an ending filled with hope.’ She could hear his voice whispering to her.

She would have gladly spent her whole life waiting for him.