Attendre, et espérer

[miyuskye]

 Allora la storia di questa fanfiction è andata più o meno così:

io, la settimana scorsa: haha, non è possibile che in fate ci sia davvero il conte di Monte Cristo con la faccia di Komaeda, sono dei pazzi, tutto ciò è ridicolo
sempre io, all'inizio di questa settimana: E SE fosse proprio tempo di scrivere qualcosa di Edmond e Gudako????
Comunque è fate go è una cosa tremenda, let me tell you. 

M4, sesta settimana.
Prompts: storia ciclica / and it was all a dream
Fandom: Fate/Grand Order
Paring: Edmond Dantès/Gudako (Fem!MC)

With a sigh, Gudako opened her eyes. The white ceiling of her room in Chaldea stared back at her. She felt her head spin as soon as she opened her eyes, she couldn’t understand why. She presumably went to sleep, didn’t she? Why was she so tired, then? She had to admit that the training she was conducting together with Mash and her other Servants was brutal, to say the least. There weren’t many other choices, though: to face the new Singularity, Gudako and her team had to be ready.

 Could it be that all those Rayshifts had damaged her body and she was now unable to sleep?

 - Senpai? -

 A voice shook her up from her thoughts. Looking in front of her, Gudako saw Mash, who was watching her with an expression that was both worried and confused. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, probably uncomfortable because she didn’t want to lean on her too much – probably not to disturb her while she was asleep. Her hands were gripping the hem of her white sweater and her lips were curled in a pained expression. Suddenly, as if she remembered something, she stood up from Gudako’s back.

 - I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to sit on your bed… - She said, apologetically.

 - Hey, don’t worry! It’s fine! – Gudako answered promptly.

 - It’s just that when I came to wake you up this morning, you wouldn’t answer my calls. I was a bit worried, so I went into your room. I found out that you were still asleep, but it looked like you were in pain… are you okay? -

 Gudako could feel the worry in her Servant’s voice. She didn’t know what had happened to her – something did happen, though. She had never felt so tired after sleeping quite a lot. She was sure that the night before she went to bed fairly early, leaving Edison and Tesla to their bickering in the Command Room, while poor Mash and Helena were trying to calm the two troublemakers. She felt a bit sorry for the two girls, but now that she was thinking about it, she had been tired the whole week. However, Gudako didn’t want Mash to worry too much about her. During her last check-up with Romani, everything was fine, so there was no need to worry.

 If her body was alright, there was nothing wrong with her, was it?

 Or maybe…?

 Memories from some time ago suddenly made their way into Gudako’s mind. Now that she thought about it, there was a time where her physical body wasn’t in danger, but her mind was. Could it be that something similar was happening now…? Could that mean that she would get to see him soon?

Attendre, et espérer.

Those were the last words he said before leaving her for good. Just remembering those moments made her entire body shudder. He said that it was indeed possible for the two of them to see each other again. She tried summoning him many times while she was having those dreams of the Prison Tower – nightmares? Visions? She didn’t know how to call them – but she didn’t succeed. She waited. She hoped. But he was nowhere to be found. Nor in her dreams, nor in her Servants lineup.

Gudako wondered if he would know the answer to what she was going through right now. He was usually involved when other consciousness’ dimensions were there. The girl didn’t even know how to go back to the Prison Tower, as the first time it happened because he was trapping her in it. She had never understood why he chose to trap her, nor his true intentions.

However, those things didn’t matter now. She had work to do.

Smiling softly to her Shielder, she tried to stand up from her bed. The training regimen scheduled for that day was as severe as the others, so she had to get ready fast. As she was trying to get up, a piercing headache struck her and she was forced to close her eyes and fall back to her bed.

She let out a low whimper as she found herself on a harder mattress than she remembered her bed to be. Her headache toned down after the previous sharp pain and she opened her eyes.

 The room was dimly lit. She was in a cell. She knew that place. She had been there before. Gudako didn’t know why but suddenly sitting on a hard and cold mattress wasn’t so bad, because of the implications of the situation she was in. The cell was as she remembered it, stark and dark. Outside of it, there was the usual hallway that led to the stairs she walked every time she accompanied him to defeat one of the spirits trapped in his castle.

 She wondered when he would come to her cell to get her. Wait, why would he even?

 It wasn’t like he had summoned her there, did he? Could it be that she traveled there by herself? Seeing as Jeanne D’Arc came willingly to that place last time, maybe it was something Gudako was able to do, too.

 Gudako decided to wait for him for another moment. After all, time as she knew it had no meaning in that place.

As she heard a scream far far away, Gudako suddenly stood from the cell bed. Was that a ghost screaming? Like the ones she saw when she went helping miss Shiki in that strange building? Now that she was thinking about it, that was when she first met him. He was nothing but a flame back then, a vengeful spirit who didn’t have a body yet. He was just the embodiment of the feelings of revenge owned by people. Gudako couldn’t understand why a sad story such as his was so acclaimed by the general public. True, the man had his charms – which affected her more than she would ever admit – but that was another story.

 She wanted to see him so badly.

 After she heard another frightening scream, she decided that it was time to look for him. She could indeed summon her Servants even in that place, but she knew that without his iron will to keep the ghosts at bay she would have been doomed. Plus, she wanted to see him again.

Wait and hope. Gudako felt that she had hoped, and waited, namely in that cell, enough. She was going to seize her fate with her hands.

As Gudako approached the cell’s door, she tried pushing lightly at the wet bars. The door didn’t move. Well, it wasn’t surprising since even if the whole building wasn’t even a real prison, it had to feel like one. Okay, what now? Gudako didn’t know what to do.

Wait and hope. Attendre, et espérer.

Sighing, she began looking around. The room was empty, except for the worn-down bed. Smiling softly as the way he accurately decorated his prison, she started looking for a way to escape that cell. As she was going around in circles, she accidentally kicked something made of metal, judging from the noise it made when her feet hit it. Gudako glanced down. It was a spoon.

‘Oh, God. He doesn’t want me to do that.’

She took her head to the wall. Silence. Silence? Except for a faint scraping.

‘Oh God, he can’t be serious.’ Gudako looked down at the spoon again. While it was true that the flow of time in that place wasn’t the same as in Chaldea, she didn’t want to do it. She was sure to go crazy if she were to scrape the wall with that spoon, as he did in his novel. As she crouched down, taking the spoon into her hands, she wondered if she had made the right choice by reaching out to him. It wasn’t like her to doubt her feelings like this, but sometimes she felt so lost…

Wait and hope, yeah. But wasn’t that a bit too much?

- What are you doing here? – A voice resonated in the faint light of the cell. Gudako couldn’t help but gasp at the surprise – why was he so keen on making those surprise appearances? – and immediately turned to the voice. There he was. That familiar figure Gudako got so familiar with not so long ago. Back resting on the opposite wall, he was watching her with his arms crossed around his chest. He was dressed in his usual black suit. Scanning her from his position, he looked surprised, but also pleased. Well, his face was as stern as ever but Gudako had already learned how to read the minimal changes in his tone or the way his lips curved when he was talking to her. The girl felt her heart beat faster. She hoped he would not hear it.

- Count… - She managed to say, standing up. To tell the truth, she wanted to dash toward him. But she refrained from doing it, as he would not have appreciated the gesture.

- Our temporary contract has ended… what are you doing here? – He repeated his question.

 Well, Gudako wasn’t sure about what to tell him. It’s not like she knew exactly what she was doing there too. She just knew that she had some… issues during her subconscious sleeping state and that, maybe, he could be the one helping her.

- Well, I… - She started. – I wanted to see you. – What was she doing? Well, it wasn’t technically false, but…

Edmond raised an eyebrow at her words, then he started laughing.

 - So, have you decided to switch places with me? Have you decided to become my Abeè Faria and free me from my suffering? -

 Well, if she had been able to summon him, yes, she would have freed him from that place.

 Dantès brought a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes.

 - Well, I couldn’t even begin to imagine you would come to me willingly. I thought there would be the people you call your friends back at the place you call home, helping you with this matter. This isn’t a place you might want to wander into, this isn’t a place where you want to leisure. I understand that, for you to come here, you must have a serious matter you want to talk to me about. I am able to at least make a guess. You fight, you make contact every day with heroic spirits and you defeat them, countless times. There a subconscious dimension, a different space from the one you go when you have a pleasant dream. In that fragment of oneiric place, every grudge, illusion, resentment gather and when you are sleeping everything tries to overwhelm you. It is dangerous to leisure in there, and normally you protect yourself by staying away and going into a slumber with no dream. But, my temporary Master, you are different. You are curious, you want to know everything. That was why we met here in the first place. You crossed that dimension and you shouldn’t have. Now the angry spirits of the remnants of heroic spirits you defeated want to devour your soul. If I could be there… in the place you call Chaldea – and while saying its name, the man looked at Gudako straight in her eyes – that would be different. I would shoulder the weight of protecting your sleep and your dreams. I would even become a nightmare for your sake. But I wasn’t able to reach you; I wanted to call you Master, but fate didn’t let me. Is this a punishment God is giving me for trapping all those spirits into this tower? –

- I’m sorry I wasn’t able to summon you in Chaldea. But, believe me, I tried. I tried so much, I wanted to see you again, Edm… I mean, Count. – Gudako corrected herself, as she remembered the difficult relationship the man had with his True Name.

At those words, he looked puzzled, surprised. Was he not expecting that Master he grew so attached to reciprocate whatever he was feeling? He used her to have his revenge on the Spirits of human sinners, he used her for his revenge, and yet, she yearned for him? That situation brought a familiar feeling to his chest, a feeling when he was alive, a woman he loved dearly…

But he was different. He wasn’t Edmond Dantès. He was the Count of Monte Cristo, the one who executed his revenge on the people who wronged him and for the same definition of his heroic spirit, he would never get the retaliation his novel counterpart got. And yet, why he was living the same emotion the real Edmond felt?

- I might have a solution. – He suddenly said. He looked unsure of it, but it was like he had an epiphany. – I can still protect you in some ways; at least until you manage to properly summon me. –

- Can I? – Gudako asked, full of hope.

- Yes, you certainly can, my temporary Master. You have been capable of much more astounding feats in this Château d'If. – He stopped himself for a moment, looking at the way Gudako smiled remembering the time they spent together. – But, there is a condition. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but, as you taught me during the last time we were together that the human sins I despised so much, those very same sins that condemned me to this prison I hated so much in life, were indeed a part of the human soul. They are what makes a human. The very essence of their soul. It isn’t possible to live without them. That was the reason I hated humans, even myself, so much. That holds for you, too. Could you guess where I’m going? –

Gudako could only hold her breath in anticipation. She wasn’t sure she was following him correctly, but…

- I’m going to spell it out for you. There is no need to circle it. To remain within your soul even if I’m not properly summoned in Chaldea, I have to attach myself to you using one of the sins that characterize humans. – He moved his hand under his chin, deep in thoughts. – I was thinking that gluttony might be the easiest one. Share one of the life pleasures. However, there is no way to have a smoke here. But I can’t wait to have one as soon as I get summoned in your Chaldea base. – He smiled.

- Then… - Gudako started walking around the room, looking for ideas. – what about sloth? We can lay in bed, wasting our time here together? – She proposed, unsure of what she was saying.

- Your voice betrays you. You know it’s not going to work. Time here is different from Chaldea and it wouldn’t count as true slothfulness; furthermore, if you let yourself go in this place, you might end up lost forever in these realms and you could never come back to Chaldea again. –

Gudako sighed. She was so dangerously close to Edmond now.

- Don’t even start thinking about it. You must not get close to me. It is dangerous if you get involved, as my nature as an Avenger might put you in danger. –

- Count… - Gudako began and it became unbearable for him to keep looking at her any longer, so he had to turn his eyes away. – I don’t care. I want to get involved with you. I don’t want to leave you alone. You lent me your strength so many times, we fought so many battles together… I came here willingly, I came here for you. –

- You are such a troublesome Master. –

- You asked me for yourself in this very tower. ‘Have you ever felt lust?’ –

Edmond winced at his own words being said by her. Why did she have such an influence over him?

- I think you should stop. I applaud your braveness, but… -

- It’s like Mana transfer, isn’t it? – Gilgamesh had told her everything she needed to know.

- It’s way simpler than that. As you might imagine, for the soul it takes but a moment to be bound to the soul of another. The true question is, are you ready to shoulder the weight that comes from having a connection to me? -

 - This is nothing. I went against Saint Jeanne D’Arc for your sake, do you remember? The very symbol of righteousness and sanctity. I’ve been scared in the past, even minutes ago. But you always proved me wrong, Count. - She looked firmly into his eyes. - I’ve never been so ready for anything else in my life. – The girl simply responded. That was cheesy, sure, but she meant it.

She got close to the man – he was taller than her. She rose on the tip of her toes and brought her face only centimeters away from Edmond’s surprised one. As fast as she could, she closed the distance between them, brushing her lips softly against his. Her hands lightly brushed his, and he took it firmly in his. She didn’t know what to expect, but Edmond’s lips were warm, like the flame he was holding in his heart. Gudako decided that she liked it. It was brief, but it was so intense. Gudako felt her heart burst up in flames, Edmond’s feelings overflowing directly in hers, becoming one. It was overwhelming; she never thought that she could feel so close to a man that was always so detached from reality. Gudako thought it would hurt, she thought she would feel her soul go up in flames. Nothing of that ever happened. With her Count, even if he wanted to push her away so desperately, she never felt pain or anguish. She just wanted to be close to him, to ease his pain. She wanted to be there for him. She wanted to kiss him again. And again. She wanted to have tea with him, she wanted to stay close to him, enjoying the moment.

- Master, you should go. I’m sure they are waiting for you. We can indulge in these activities when you properly summon me. – He smiled.

- When can I… - Gudako started, but she stopped herself. She already knew the answer.

With a sigh, Gudako opened her eyes. The white ceiling of her room in Chaldea stared back at her. She felt her head spin as soon as she opened her eyes, she couldn’t understand why. Did she faint? She didn’t remember what she was doing. Why was she so tired? Was it the Rayshifts’ fault?

 - Senpai? -

 A voice shook her up from her thoughts. Looking in front of her, Gudako saw Mash who was watching her with an expression that was both worried and confused.

 - Mash? What happened? – Gudako asked her. She was sure she had already made a similar discussion with her Servant.

 - Are you okay? You were just about to get up when your eyes suddenly got vacant. Are you okay? -

 It didn’t take long this time. Those words resonated into her head almost immediately.

Attendre, et espérer.

Wait and hope. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t summoning him for the time being. Their souls were connected and the bond they forged was more strong than any contract she could ever make with any Servant. Waiting and hoping. For the sake of seeing him again, if it could make her hold his heart, his soul in her hands once again.

‘What an ending filled with hope.’ She could hear his voice whispering to her.

She would have gladly spent her whole life waiting for him.