My beginning is you (chapter 1)

[miyuskye]

 Sto postando da telefono questa storia e tbh non vedo l'ora di metterla su AO3 XD
Missione: M2 seconda settimana
Prompt: teatro

Ryuunosuke Naruhodou never thought of himself as a conformist. Ever since he was a little boy, he didn’t really like to go out and play with his neighborhood friends, preferring to read a nice book in the warmth of his own home. His family wasn’t one of noble lineage, nor were his parents rampaging businessman who could compensate the lack of a noble title with their man-made work. His father had a little farm which provided food and sustain for the whole family and his mother was able in the art of sewing and dressmaking. 

Because of his parents’ line of work, little Ryuunosuke was used, ever since he was young, to seeing elegant and refined people come and go from his house. While his interest didn’t lay in their lifestyle or their dresses – even if his mother always made sure that he had the best dresses she could sew – he was very taken by the kind of readings they had when the stopped by his mother’s workshop to try a suit or to have their measurements taken. Ryuunosuke loved to keep his mother company while she was working, because it meant that he would get to ask all of those people about the books they were reading. As his mother’s policy was to take less work but to make it better, only locals and small businessmen ever visited his house, but their knowledge of the world was enough for the little boy to come into contact with books not only published by Japanese people – which were the only books that were present in the library of the small town he lived in, as a result of his country’s policy of not allowing external influences into their own culture. The ones he liked the most were books made by writers coming from England.

To tell the truth, that faraway country always picked up his attention and interest greatly. A small island on the other side of the world full of new technologies his teenage mind couldn’t even begin to image. Some of his mother’s clients, positively impressed by the boy’s eagerness to know about English literature liked to give him their books as presents. Ryuunosuke’s favorite kind of novels were written by a certain someone named Charles Dickens, as he felt that the adventures shared by the main characters of his books – who were close to his age – resonated well with his interests. His parents, albeit a little worried at first upon realizing that their son probably would not have continued the family’s business, were happy about the fact that he found his way in life so quickly and they liked to share his enthusiasm in literature. It was no wonder that, growing up in an environment like this, Naruhodou decided to pursue a major in the English language he so much loved: his family was more than happy to support the path he chose and, even if they were a little sad about not having their son in the house anymore, they happily sent him off to study at Teito Yuumei University. 

From Ryuunosuke’s part, aside from having to stay away from his parents, the new experience at the university filled him with an immense joy. He didn’t form any kind of strong relationship during his high school years, nor did he have a true close friend worthy of that name. There were some people he liked to hang out with, but for most of the time he spent with them, he just felt he was an outsider who was there to fill a place and make the number of people in the band higher. His ideas and opinions were too far away and perhaps too innovative to be truly understood in the rural environment he was stuck in; his classmates couldn’t even understand why he was so fixated on reading and learning a language other than the Japanese one, as they thought it was the only language they would ever need in their lives. Ryuunosuke, from his side, was very fixated on trying to change their minds as he would always be the center of philosophical discourses where he supported and sustained the idea that a nation like theirs couldn’t keep on by itself. His arguments and ideas were truly convincing, and some of his friends even started to support him in his speeches, but, at the end of the day, all of them were returning to their close-minded families, so Naruhodou’s influence over them was very limited. That was why the now young man was full of hope for the future that waited for him in the next years. 

As he was expecting, he wasn’t disappointed in the major he decided to attend. The people at Teito Yuumei University, and especially the ones attending the same major as him, were more open-minded than the ones he found in his hometown. He was able to fit in in different study groups. Furthermore, there were countless of interesting events: sports events, where you had to collaborate with a team of people from your major to win a baton race like contest, eating contests, where you had to finish a very huge meal in a given amount of time, craftsmanship contests, where people usually showed off their manual skills in producing elegant and polished items, swords contest, where people showed off the different sword styles they were taught during their life and so on.

 During his first university year, there was so much choice among the available events that Naurhodou couldn’t make a wise decision. He ended up joining an eating contest on a whim which ended in a tremendous failure as the food the jury prepared for the contestants was extremely spicy; while he didn’t mind to eat his meals a little spicy, that thing he had to eat was on a whole different level and he had to drop out after his third or fourth bite. After spending the whole afternoon and evening in the bathroom apologizing to his guts, he decided that he had made the wrong decision; he vowed to himself that the following year he would choose a more suitable contest for him.

During his second year, in fact, he was looking through the available challenges and events proposed by the university when a friend of his suddenly popped up with a “marvelous idea” as he put it. Ryuunosuke didn’t really want to listen to him as he was the one who suggested the eating contest the previous year and his stomach and he didn’t want to repeat what happened. He was ready to dismiss the other man’s idea when he glanced absent-mindedly at the event description. Apparently, that year they organized a speech contest. Participants had to give the most inspiring speech in order to move a crowd of listening people – probably other students as well – who would then vote for the best orator and decide the winner. Surprised, Naruhodou thought that this was the perfect occasion for him. He had always loved to talk to others about his ideals and thoughts and what better occasion to share his point of view than a speech contest? Without having a second thought, he hurriedly dashed to the contest secretary to sign himself up. At the stall prepared for the occasion he bumped inadvertently with another contestant. Apologizing, he couldn’t help but notice his soft and dignified features, as well as his gentle eyes and smile. He was a bit overwhelmed by his presence and asked himself if all of his adversaries would be just like that one. As a consequence, Ryuunosuke was so engrossed in said contest that he retired himself to his room to prepare his speech whenever possible. He’d just attend the compulsory lessons, ask his colleagues to tell him what happened in the optional ones and after his duties at university were finished he would just dash to his room to prepare. 

Finally, the fated day came. Ryuunosuke was scared that his anxiety would have gotten the best of him, making him subject to stage fright. He knew there was indeed that possibility but he blatantly ignored that thought as he prepared himself to go to university. It was a very hot summer, so it was a bit difficult to reach his university without sweating profusely. Their uniform was pitch black and combined with the unforgiving sun was a lethal combination for his body. He arrived at the contest place panting and wheezing. As the organizers decided to hold the contest in a theatre, which was built mainly using wood as a material, the inside of the place was very hot and Naruhodou feared for a moment that he would faint. After sitting down for a bit and regaining his breath, he felt that he was ready to fight again. 

As he was waiting for the contest host to call him up on stage he looked at the other participants: there were some people who felt very confident and talked amiably to others, showing off the fact that they didn’t need to revise their speech, there were other people in total panic whining that they couldn’t remember anything and there were people holding their sheets in their trembling hands and rehearsing their performance in front of the mirrors provided by the organizers. Naruhodou wanted to try his speech again in front of a mirror too but was too absorbed in the atmosphere, which made him feel alive for once, that he lost himself in looking at the others. His gaze crossed with other participants’ one twice or three times. Once, he laid his eyes on a particularly confident contestant: he had his hair neatly and evenly cut, brown, like his deep eyes and was smiling and talking to the host during the others’ speeches. Naruhodou stopped to wonder why he would notice him of all people, before realizing that he was the one he bumped into when he signed up. After staring at him for a while, that man turned towards him, looking straight in his eyes. Naurhodou was taken aback by that reaction and quickly looked the other way, pretending to be immersed in the revision of his speech. Staring intently at his sheets, he hoped that the other didn’t notice his odd behavior and that he would just dismiss the whole situation. In his heart, he knew that it was blatant that he was staring at him. In the corner of his eyes he saw said man approaching him with a steady pace. When he was in front of him, he stopped and with a calm voice told him to go near the stage as it was his turn. Well, he was indeed speaking with the host so he was just telling him his message. Thanking him awkwardly, he clumsily made his way to the actual stage. When he walked towards it, Naruhodou couldn’t help but wonder how it was possible that, among all the people registered for the contest, he just had to interact with that one.

 

Much to his surprise, he didn’t succumb to stage fright and managed to deliver a magnificent speech, as he felt that the public was really moved and interested in his speeches about understanding others and expanding one’s horizons. He could feel that his words were simple and shallow, but he compensated for it with his imposing and loud voice and with the passion and ferocity he was putting in his words. 

After his performance, he was asked by the host to join the public. Naruhodou promptly complied, as, in his heart, he was very curious about what kind of speech the mysterious man he kept crossing paths with would deliver. He didn’t know his name, so, for every contestant called up after him, he raised himself to the tip of his toes, trying to get a glimpse of what was happening on the stage. After confirming that the current participant wasn’t the man he was looking for, he allowed other people from the crowd to pass beyond him. 

As he was casually watching the latest participant leaving the stage, he heard the host announcing the last contestant. He knew it was the man he wanted to hear. ‘Kazuma Asougi’ was his name and Naruhodou felt it was a name he would not forget easily. As he entered the stage, Ryuunosuke felt himself trying to push the other people aside to go closer to the stage and listen to him better. His eyes were glued to his figure as the other one was getting to his position. After he started speaking, Naruhodou couldn’t think of anything else. His demeanor, his composure, the words he was so fervently saying. Everything about that man screamed perfection and Naruhodou felt very overwhelmed by his presence. He knew that his speech couldn’t compare to Asougi’s and even if the thought was indeed frustrating, he couldn’t do anything but admit to it. As he was speaking, Asougi looked among the people listening to him, seemingly looking for someone. It was hard to notice, as the man on the stage did his best to cover it up, but Naruhodou was watching him so intently that he was able to catch even his slightest movements. For a moment, he even thought that Asougi was shining of his own light, as a result of the stage being lit up so brightly by the sun peering from the huge windows and the heat coming from the crowd. Suddenly, Asougi turned his head towards Naruhodou. The latter felt his stare on him, while still being absorbed by his words. From the look of it, it seemed that the other had found what he was looking for among the crowd. Or, better put, who he was looking for. Was he checking if I was among those people? Ryuunosuke could only manage to think. He felt that the other was subtly challenging him, looking so confidently when talking, almost as he was trying to show him how a real speech was to be delivered. In a normal situation, Nauhodou would have felt angry about this kind of behavior but – and he couldn’t explain why – he was sure that there was no malice in Asougi’s actions. Somehow, he knew that the other was impressed by the speech he delivered early and just wanted to show him his way of doing things. 

Naruhodou didn’t think about himself as a particularly lucky person. He wasn’t unlucky either, he liked to think that he was somewhere in the middle. He never won very expensive prizes at the raffles held in his town, just regular ones. However, as he was standing at the center of the stage while holding in his hands the plaque addressing him as the winner of the contest, he couldn’t help but call what happened to him pure luck. He quickly glanced at Asougi, who was in the corner of the stage, holding his head in his hands. He could understand how this loss had a big impact on him. After all, as he would come to learn later, Asougi was one of the best students at his university, a great promise of the law major. Losing a speech contest to a mere amateur had to be a great humiliation for him. It wasn’t that his discourse had less depth or impact than the one Ryuunosuke delivered. The only problem – which was more like a slip from his part – was that, at the end of his moving speech, the last sentence was turned in a tongue twister, probably caused by Asougi’s not remembering correctly the original words in his script. Asougi couldn’t say it properly as he kept stuttering on his last words, which resulted in a sudden loss of the fervor of his speech and led him to lose some of his influence on the audience. That surely must have made the young promise of Teito Yuumei University feel ashamed of his naivety.

Ryuunosuke, as much as he was taken in by Asougi’s charisma, went on with his life after the contest, wanting to archive the unexplainable emotions Asougi made him feel. Unluckily for him, Asougi didn’t share his position. After a week of relative calm, expect for the fact that Ryuunosuke seemed to bump into Asougi everwhere he went - which was strange, given that the two of them had different lessons at different times and usually lingered in different parts of the university building. At some point he thought the other was following him, but what reason could the one of the top students have to follow him around? He couldn’t really give a sound explanation to this behavior. Then, one day, Asougi finally approached him at the university canteen. Ryuunosuke didn’t even have the time to process what happened. He just saw the man at the entrance, who then proceeded to walk towards his table. In a few steps, he managed to cover the distance separating them and approached his table slamming his hands on it.  - I don’t understand you. I really don’t -  Ryuunosuke was surprised.  - …what? -   - I tried following you in order to find out your secrets, but you seem so average! I don’t understand! -  Now he was straight up offending him, even in all his honesty.  - What do you want to know about me? -   - I understood what I lacked in the competition. I let my guard down and didn’t foresee the danger ready to ruin my performance. But you… you won the competition with such a shallow speech! I understand that you put everything you had in it, but…! -  Ryuunosuke kept staring as Asougi repeatedly slammed his fist on the table, effectively gaining the attention of everyone else in the room. He couldn’t believe the man in front of him was really one of the top students.  - Look, I don’t know about what made my performance win, but if you’re not good at tongue twister – which was actually the case of your downfall – I can teach you how to be good at them. I am an expert and I know a lot of techniques. -  At those words, the other widened his eyes.   - Would you really? -  He was genuinely surprised.  - Would you really expose your secrets to your enemy? -  Ryuunosuke laughed.  - Well, the contest is over. I think we’re not enemies anymore, don’t you? -  Hearing the other say so in such a delightful voice made Kazuma smile back at him. - Yeah, I probably was too uptight about the whole thing. Then, I will gladly put myself in your hands. – 

Even though Ryuunosuke had indeed a hunch about what kind of person Kazuma was, he surely didn’t expect it to end that way. Saying that the man was stubborn was downplaying it. He took headstrongness to its next level: once he set his mind on something he would not budge for no reasons. After the first times, where they met in the shared places of the university, like the canteen, or the hall, Naruhodou quickly understood that a more reserved place ought to be the better choice. First of all, Kazuma was not very good at tongue twisters: Ryuunosuke speculated that it might have been correlated to the fact that he was very straight-forward in everything he did, or maybe his unprecedented honesty and bluntness. Secondly, he was very loud when he failed to say some new sentence proposed by Naruhodou. That caused the people who were passing near them to stop and give them annoyed looks as they were making unnecessary and irritating noises. Ryuunosuke wanted to help the other improve at tongue twisters, but he didn’t know what caused him to be so bad at them. To tell the truth, that was to say that the rigor he put in his line of work could have prevented him to be good at such a trivial thing as tongue twisters, as they were thought out for children and for having fun. However, Kazuma knew how to enjoy and have a good time for himself. Sometimes, he liked to bring some kind of new sake or liquor to their meetings. He would say that those things were presents from the man who took him in after his father died. Apparently, this man often went to work trips and liked to bring back typical products of the places he visited. The fact that Asougi told Naruhodou – who, by now, couldn’t call himself a complete stranger but wasn’t exactly a close friend either – that his father died so casually made him wonder about the kind of relationship and feelings he had for him. He was sure that Kazuma admired his old man greatly, as he proudly went around with a memento of him – a beautiful and refined katana, said to be a symbol of his household. Ryuunosuke couldn’t graps the deep meaning behind a family heirloom like that, but from the pride Asougi put into that item, he could just feel its importance. The former couldn’t bring himself to ask the other more about his father as he felt that he was overstepping his boundaries. Anyhow, the first time that the young attorney-to-be brought him some kind of sake, it was the last straw. He understood that they had to move to a more closed location, in order not to disturb the other people. Luckily, the host from the speech contest was Asougi’s friend and allowed them to use the old theatre where the contest took place after the drama club ended their activities. 

As they took their first steps into the place the humid air and the classic smell of closed spaces and wood reached them. It wasn’t a displeasing sensation, though. - So, we’re back where it all began, huh? – said Kazuma, seemingly lost in thoughts. Naruhodou didn’t make him to be the nostalgic person, but the other was full of surprises every time they met. - Yeah, it feels like the best place to practice. We should have thought about that earlier. -  Asougi looked at him, smiling. Naruhodou didn’t know why but he felt his chest tighten at the sight. - Yeah, we should have. – the other replied in a whisper.

After beginning to use the theatre as a place for their meetings, they began to feel differently. Naruhoudou couldn’t help but feel the more intimate atmosphere of the closed space, away from the public eye. Said space was just for the two of them and it felt too big. They usually sat on the edge of the stage, sometimes too close, sometimes very far away as Asougi was engrossed in practicing a particularly hard rhyme. The only thing Naruhodou was positive of was that the oter wasn’t getting any better. He would sometimes be able to say most part of the sentence, sometimes he managed to say all of it, but after a second he would just be back at square one. After a while, the whole thing became just tiring and Asougi - surprisingly realizing that his force was beginning to overbear the other – put an end to the session by starting to talk about trivial things. After a while, though, those trivial things transformed into a deeper talking and Naruhodou wasn’t really able to complain. In all his life, he had looked for someone to share his mindsets and reasoning with. Asougi willingly beginning such discourses with him felt too amazing to be real. The latter, as a consequence of his major, was very pragmatic and made everything into an argument. He really liked to enforce his opinions and Naruhodou basked in the challenge their debating offered him. As a student coming from a literature background, his discussions were more centered on feelings and emotions – which resonated well with Asougi’s passion and fervor – and it wasn’t unusual that the two of them were engaged in an argument until late. While, after all of this, Naruhodou couldn’t bring himself to ask the other about more private matters – like his father - , he was content with just what they were having.

One day, Ryuunosuke was eating in the university garden as it was a warm autumn day. As he distinctly felt some footsteps coming towards him, he recognized Asougi in them. As he turned towards the sound drawing closer, he smiled at his friend – after all the time they spent together, it was natural for him to think that, wasn’t it? – and, helping himself with his hands, he stood up. As they were making their way to their usual meeting spot, Ryuunosuke thought that Asougi seemed very confident that day: his hands weren’t sweaty as usual and the features of face seemed more relaxed. In his eyes he found the usual fervor, but at the same time he noticed an outstanding calm in them, distinctive of someone who accomplished his mission. He wasn’t sure as to when he started noticing those little things about Asougi and didn’t even know why those things started to matter this much to him. Having reached their destination, he casted away those thoughts and readied himself to another session of Asougi screaming and complaining about his failures. As he strolled through the theatre and sat on his usual spot on the edge of the stage, he looked at the other who had indeed a triumphant smile on his face. 

- Well, Naruhodou, this is the day! – he announced loudly. Naruhodou silently thanked the host of the competition who allowed them to be away from the other students. Not caring about his reaction, the other continued. – I finally did it! –  Oh, how many times Ryuunosuke heard those words. After that, Asougi would proceed to try the rhyme of the day, failing miserably. Then, he would be so upbeat and he would start to complain again. - Red headband, blue headband, yellow headband – he said confidently. ‘Oh, yeah, he chose the headband one’ was the only thing the black-haired man could think. - Red headband, blue headband, yellow headband – Asougi kept saying, without letting his tongue slip.  - Red headband, blue headband, yellow headband! – Asougi said louder and faster.  - Red headband, blue headband, yellow headband!! – He was practically screaming now, but he didn’t stutter. The taller man went at it for other six or seven times before Naruhodou begged him to stop and to have mercy on his ears. At the end, Kazuma was panting, like he ran around the whole university several times. He could only manage a weak ‘Did you hear?’ before running towards his friend and gripping his shoulder firmly. The latter was a bit taken aback by that gesture and he widened his eyes, unable to speak. The closeness of Asougi’s face was a bit too much for him to handle. After sighing loudly, he distanced himself and sat near Ryuunosuke, smiling proudly. - I practiced until made my tongue bleed – he proudly confessed. That sounded very much like him. - Yeah, you did it! As a teacher, I’m very proud. – Naruhodou wasn’t sure that was the proper thing to say in that occasion, but he was still recovering from the sudden attack his friend made on him earlier. When he looked again towards his friend, he found that he was intensely staring at him. A bit surprised from that sudden change of attitude he drew back a little. - What is it, Asougi? – He managed to ask. - Mhh… - The other seemed to be deep in thoughts. – I wonder if tongue twisters are the only thing you are able to do with it. -  - With what? – Naruhodou could only manage to ask as Asougi drew near him, effectively closing the distance between them. Ryuunosuke hadn’t the physical time to process what was happening as he felt the other’s lips on his. Asougi was warm, and he didn’t expect any less from a man like him, and his lips were very soft. He pressed his mouth softly the other’s one, licking his upper lip. Before distancing himself again, Asougi looked at Ryuunosuke straight in his eyes. - Maybe another time? – He just said, probably to himself, while looking in the direction of the door. It was at that moment that Naruhodou noticed that some voices were drawing near. Before he was able to say anything else, Asougi stood up and trotted outside of the room, leaving his friend – could he even be called friend anymore? – without words.

After that day, Asougi behaved like what happened didn’t actually happened and Naruhodou couldn’t give himself an explanation as to why. There were moments during which he thought about it so hard that he was beginning to wonder if that actually happened. It’s not like there were witnesses  - as if there could ever been – and Asougi wasn’t mentioning it either. The only thing telling Ryuunosuke what really happened was the feeling of Kazuma’s lips on his. He spent some nights thinking about it, wondering what would have driven his friend to do something like that. It wasn’t that Naruhodou was angry, or displeased. While he never actively thought about Kazuma in that way, after that moment he shared with him, he didn’t feel bad. Heck, if he had to be completely honest, he was a bit curious of what would have happened if Asougi didn’t hear those voices. Ryuunosuke had never had a girlfriend before, of course. His family didn’t want to marry him off before he could finish his studies and he wasn’t very interested in romantic relationships during his adolescence. That meant he had also never kissed anyone. Needless to say, he didn’t expect to give his first kiss to someone like Asougi. 

As he was still lingering about the events of that day, one afternoon he happened to bump into Asougi after he was finished with his lessons. Or, to be more precise, he looked through the Law major timetables, to find out where and when his last lesson of the day took place. Waiting outside his friend’s classroom, he wondered what he would think of this gesture. He hoped he wouldn’t be displeased by it, because he surely felt like he was following him around, having snuffed through the schedule of his lessons. As he kept shifting his weight from one leg to another, Ryuunosuke gasped as he saw the door of the room open and saw some people going out of that room. After a while – and after a lot of people passed by him, looking at him with genuine curiosity as he wasn’t a known face around those parts – he found his man, walking with his eyes glued on a piece of paper he was holding. Ryuunosuke thought they probably were notes from the lesson. However, his eyes were immediately drawn to the red headband he could see was tied neatly in his hair. It was a rather long band as his sides swayed and floated left and right at every movement Asougi made. As he was called by an unknown force, he suddenly raised his eyes and smiled as he spotted Ryuunosuke, which still had his eyes glued on the headband.

- Hey! What are you doing here? Have you finally decided to become an attorney? – He jokingly asked. Ryuunosuke wondered how it would be to attend the same lessons as him, meaning that they would get to sit together, study together… he forced himself to stop thinking about that. - You won’t convince me by just repeating the same thing over and over – he replied. The other laughed at his words. Then, he noticed Asougi looking at his headband. - Well, what do you think? Is it nice? This is to celebrate what happened during our last encounter; - he purposely left his sentence incomplete to watch the other’s reaction. Naruhodou lost the ability to breath for a second, before forcing himself to regain his composure. – Of course, after all, that tongue twister was about headbands – he managed to say. Asougi’s smile told him that he gave the right answer. Even though he wanted to address the obvious elephant in the room, – which, by the way – was heavily ignored by the other – he couldn’t bring himself to do so. 

Wondering what passed through Asougi’s head and blaming himself for being so inept at reading his emotions, he bottled up his feelings inside his heart.