If we were meant to be

 La posto qui dato che per il cowt c'è sempre fretta, in attesa di spostarla su AO3
Missione: M3
Prompt: verso "Navigherò in mare aperto / In capo al mondo / Fino a quando lo vorrai anche tu" della canzone Nell'estasi o nel fango di Zarrillo.

The first memory Susato had of Kazuma dated back to the hot summer of her sixth birthday. It was a memory she held dear in her heart as it also was the first memory of her beloved father.

The sun was shining brightly in the sky, cicadas were singing loudly from the trees decorating her garden and little Susato was helping her grandmother with the laundry. She was just a little girl but she was already able to understand that her help was very needed in that house.

 Her mother passed away when she was very young. She didn’t remember her face really well, but she used to take a peek at the photos hidden in the shelves when her grandma was sleeping – the loss of her only daughter was too much for the old woman to handle. From those photos, it seemed that Ayame Mikotoba resembled Susato quite a lot. The two women had in common the same gentle smile and sweet brown eyes. Their hair was styled in the same manner too, probably due to her granny’s influence.

However, if Susato had to be really honest, she would surely say that she was more interested in her father, though she would never dare to voice this thought publicly. Her father was named Yuujin Mikotoba and she had never met him either, nor did she ever see his face. The man went to study in England as a student part of an exchange program six years ago and Susato was born some months after his departure. He often sent her letters, full of intricate and engaging London adventures with his friends, as well as funny photos and refined presents for his daughter. Even if Susato had never met him, she really felt she was an active part of his life and that she was somehow important to him. In addition, her father gave very specific instructions on how her education was to be carried out, insisting on Susato reading books in line with her passions and talents. That was something very uncommon for little girls of that time.

That day her father would return home and Susato would finally see him. After six years of exchanging mere pieces of paper, Susato was finally able to meet him in the flesh. She had been waiting for that moment all of her – albeit short – life. In his last letter, the man also mentioned a surprise for her, and she couldn’t wait to find out what he was referring to. Wiping out the sweat caused by the hotness of that summer day, Susato dashed out to her mansion entrance as soon as she heard some voices speaking loudly. Panting from the sudden strain she had to make to arrive as soon as possible, she was finally face to face with her father. As soon as the man saw his daughter, his smile grew wider and he opened his arms asking his daughter for a hug. While Susato was relishing in the warmth of her father’s embrace, she felt a joy never felt before. He was really as the photos showed her and, saved for a hint of sadness in his eyes for which Susato couldn’t really give herself an explanation for, Yuujin was actually the kind, gentle man she was expecting him to be.

It was at that moment that she noticed him. Behind his father, clad in a traditional kimono, there was a small boy with a troubled expression, watching their reunion scene unfold with sulky eyes. Susato gasped and took a step back after noticing his presence, a bit annoyed. It felt like he was spying on her. Noticing her uneasiness, Yuujin Mikotoba quickly wanted to clear up the misunderstanding. “This boy’s name is Kazuma Asougi. He is the son of my late friend, Genshin Asougi, who came with me to England as an exchange student. Unfortunately, he…” The man made a pause, staring into the void for a brief moment, making the little Susato wonder if he was really telling the truth. “…he perished from an unknown illness. During his last moments, he asked me to take care of his one and only son. Thus, Kazuma will be a part of our family from now on.”

The first impression Susato had of Kazuma was a very conflicting one. While on one hand, she felt very sorry for him, having hugged her living father in front of him, who wasn’t able to do so really made her feel ashamed of her behavior. On the other hand, though, she bitterly thought that he could have just made his presence more noticeable if her display of affection was bothering him.

Politely, the little girl introduced herself, as her grandmother taught her. She offered him a warm welcome to her family, to which the boy named Kazuma answered with a simple and cold “Thanks for having me” before bowing deeply and taking his luggage inside. The moving into his new home proceeded swiftly, while the contacts between him and Susato weren’t exactly easy to achieve. Kazuma used to spend a lot of time by himself and didn’t like to chat a lot; he was also very uptight in general. Susato wasn't able to put a finger on it at that moment, but she felt as if Kazuma was purposely putting some distance between him and her family. Anyhow, for her father’s sake, she still decided to put up with his entitled behavior.

The boy was six years older than her and when he turned fifteen, Yuujin wanted for him to start following his father’s footsteps. The boy was more than happy to oblige, as it was clear as day that he held the utmost respect for his father. Instead of becoming a detective like him, he decided to pursue the path of studying law in order to become an attorney, to bring the truth of the cases to light. Every time Yuujin was free for a moment, Kazuma would ask him about Genshin; even the smallest story the older man could provide him would brighten the little boy’s eyes immensely. While Susato kind of understood that kind of attitude, she couldn’t help but be slightly jealous of her father.

When Kazuma started pursuing the path of law, Yuujin asked if Susato wanted to lend him a hand by studying herself as a legal assistant. At that time – she was just nine years old – Susato didn’t really have an idea about what she wanted to do as a grownup, so she went along with her father’s suggestion, especially because such a request came from him.

The distance between her and Asougi lowered greatly on a particular winter day. Yuujin had sent Susato on an errand to buy some tea and Kazuma offered to accompany her. Susato was a bit surprised by his volunteering, as Kazuma always detached himself from everything regarding the house. During the trip to the tea shop, as the street was all white from the snow fell the day before, Susato lost her balance and tumbled down a slippery small pit. The shock from that event shocked the little girl greatly and she started crying uncontrollably. While, her chin trembling, tears were beginning to race down her now red cheeks, Susato couldn’t help but loathe herself for allowing Kazuma to see her so weak. It already happened when he saw her hugging her dad and it was happening now. As she tried to stand up by herself and to wipe away her sorrow, she felt a sharp pain to her ankle – a signal that her fall was a rather severe one – prompting her tears to pour down from her eyes more. This time, she forced herself not to cry in front of him, so she just clenched her jaw and endured her ache in silence. Then, Kazuma’s words shocked her once again.

 “You don’t have to hold back, you know? I saw you falling before and I think you broke your ankle, so it must hurt you terribly to even try to get up.” He then turned around and offered his back to her. “Here, if I carry you, we can get back to your dad. He will know what to do. You don’t have to force yourself to walk; otherwise, the situation will worsen rapidly.” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. What right did he have to lecture her about not sharing her feeling? Him, of all people?! The pain seemed to suddenly vanish as anger took his place quickly. “You are really one to talk, Kazuma-sama. You never once opened up to me.” At those words, he turned around, looking apologetic. “I know, Susato.” Hearing him call her name in that serious voice, made her heart jump for some reason. “I talked with Yuujin-sama about this. I… I was very sad because of what happened to my dad. I didn’t want to be a bother…” He looked away from her. “I didn’t want to feel pain, so I pretended not to feel anything. But, well, I wasn’t very good at hiding it, since Yuujin-sama found me out every time.” Susato couldn’t help staring into his deep brown eyes. “I’m sorry if I came off as distant. Yuujin-sama told me that it’s all right to feel, even if what we feel is… troublesome. I didn’t understand it at first but growing up it all became clearer. When I started studying law, when Yuujin-sama was telling tales about my father… I knew. I knew that my feelings were legitimate.” Kazuma’s words were so engaging that Susato almost forgot everything around her. “So, I vowed to myself to never suppress my feelings again. I want to live my life expressing what I think with my whole heart, for the entire world to see. I have to thank Yuujin-sama for that. And to you… I actually wanted to apologize. It was discourteous of me to behave that way to a lady and to the daughter of my benefactor. I promise to be a different man, starting from today. Will you forgive me, Susato?” As soon as his speech reached an end, he looked intensely into the little girl’s eyes. She was a bit overwhelmed by his passion. She always thought that Kazuma was distant and wasn’t even able to feel such strong emotions. The proud part of Susato didn’t want to excuse him, but the fierceness and boldness of his words eventually reached her heart. As her heart skipped a beat she shyly accepted his apology. Kazuma then turned around again and Susato started to reach out to his back and, leveraging herself with his hands, she hoisted herself on his back. It looked like she was light as a feather, as Kazuma held her strongly. As they were walking home, she noticed that Kazuma was very warm and he smelled of oranges*. She let herself be lulled by his movements and fell asleep on top of him.

After that day, Susato’s opinion of Kazuma changed completely. That is to say, Kazuma’s attitude also changed radically, as he really was sincere when he told Susato how he felt. His honesty and stubbornness were evident in every word he said but his demeanor was very engaging and not before long everyone in the Mikotoba household had come to accept him. From Susato’s part, she committed herself to her mission of becoming a legal assistant and supported Kazuma whenever possible. It was inevitable that the girl was to develop also a tremendous crush on Kazuma. He was a very cute boy and at the end of his adolescence, he had turned into a fine man. During those years, he always held for Susato the highest opinion and always treated her gentlemanly; thus, it was only natural for the girl to feel something else than sheer admiration for him. Kazuma’s charisma didn’t wait to show itself even at his school environment: it wasn’t unusual to see him accompanied by a female underclassman fawning all over him. Sometimes, those scenes put Susato in a bit of distress, but since it seemed that the man himself didn’t care about those kinds of attentions she dismissed those thoughts soon enough.

During his university years, Susato tried to support him the best she could, while balancing her activities and duties from her high school. Susato would be lying – and her father always told her that it wasn’t proper for a gentleman, or woman, not to tell the truth – if the said she had never thought about Kazuma from a romantic perspective, but she knew that her feelings were hard to be reciprocated. Plus, she had the feeling that, if she confessed her feelings to the boy, she would put him in a conflicting position. She was indeed the daughter of the man who looked after him after his father passed away; Susato could clearly understand how Kazuma owed her father, in every way. She wouldn’t want for him to feel obliged to reciprocate her feelings only out of respect and devotion for her father. That was also to be said that she wasn’t very well-versed in the field of romance: her parents’ love story was your very typical trope of two people forced in an arranged marriage situation but eventually actually falling in love. Susato thought it was nice that her father truly found love in her mother, but that didn’t give her material for studying how to behave before being engaged. The stories she liked to read were mystery novels or detective stories – she was a great fan of the overseas Great Detective Sherlock Holmes – so even literature wasn’t able to give her the answers she sought. To be honest, Kazuma was indeed the passionate type about the things he held dear – his admiration for his father, his pride in the path he decided to take in life, his upstanding personality who led him to be one of the best students at Teito Yuumei University.

However, he was only and ever passionate about things related to his work. While it wasn’t strange to hear him talk eagerly about a professor who gave a particular exciting lesson, or an attorney pleading his client’s case in an extremely moving way, Susato swore she never talked about romance in her house. The people he held in high consideration were only people who struck him for their personalities or ideas.

One day, after pondering about it for over a week, she decided to tell everything to her best friend Haori. She always accompanied her when she wasn’t at home, as they went to the same high school and were in the same afterschool studying groups. After asking Haori to stop at a tea shop during her way home, Susato was ready to tell her everything and she hoped Haori would be more knowledgeable than her on the matter. She deduced from the talks they had together, that her friend liked to read romance novels, even if, in Susato’s opinion, those books were a bit over the top. Even though she didn’t want to admit it herself, Susato would have surely appreciated if Kazuma threw open the door of her room, held her hands in his and ardently proclaimed his feelings for her with burning eyes and impetuous words as the main characters in Haori’s readings did. On the other hand, though, Susato pragmatically knew that something as fanciful as that could never happen. Furthermore, she could feel herself growing redder and embarrassed from just the thought of such a thing happening to her. From that point of view, talking about Kazuma with Haori didn’t help as her friend shocked her from the very beginning, telling her that she knew about her feelings. Wait, was Susato really that obvious? The fear that Kazuma might have found out about her crush for him from her actions shocked Susato quite a bit, but Haori was quick to reassure her friend. As it was a pity that that man put his outstanding fervor in things unrelated to love, that was the bitter truth and the black-haired girl was positive that Kazuma was extremely dense in matters related to romantic relationships. At least, he was dense for the feelings other people had for him, given that he didn’t even try to make a move on Susato after she “blatantly had her heads over hills for him” as Haori put it. Susato quickly dismissed the other girl’s ideas, as Kazuma was too much of a gentleman to take advantage of her like that. Reaching the end of their long tea session, though, while Haori insisted that Susato made the first move by inviting Kazuma out or trying to understand his interests – outside of work – better, Susato concluded that, even after receiving the important advice of an expert, there was nothing to be done.

Thus, even if Haori was against it as she preferred a more direct approach, Susato just decided to watch over him from afar. She would help him in his studies, she would offer him company when he was talking with his father, she would accompany him on errands (which for Susato counted as hanging out, while for Haori it just meant that she was chickening out from the issue). Susato came to the conclusion that, even being close to Kazuma and being under his intense aura, could suffice for the moment. That’s why even if she always loved to look at him with loving eyes while he was engrossed on a law discourse with Yuujin – which, by then, was already less competent than the young man – after Kazuma would turn her way to ask for her opinion as a legal assistant, she would immediately regain her composure and talk to him as professionally as she could.

Then, one day, it happened. It was the usual dinner time at her home, with Yuujin and Kazuma eating their meal on the opposite sides of the table, and Susato and her grandmother on the other sides. The four of them were enjoying simple small talk about what happened during the day when suddenly Kazuma cleared his throat. Susato stopped eating as she could feel he was about to announce something very important. She watched intensely as the young man to her left stopped eating himself and placed his hands on the table. After a bit of hesitation after looking at Yuujin’s direction, he spoke. “I was accepted in an exchange program at university. I will be going to England to study as an attorney as an exchange student.” He looked at the ceiling for a moment, seemingly lost in thoughts. “Like… my father did.” At those words, Susato clearly felt Yuujin stiffen in his position. She was sure that he was worried about Kazuma and, truth be told, she was too. She didn’t want for Kazuma to die, in a foreign place like his father. The young girl was sure that was what her father was thinking too. Kazuma, after seemingly understanding where their concern and anxious looks were coming from, quickly added: “Don’t worry. I won’t end as my father did. I know I won’t. The reason I want to take part in this program is for his sake too.” He then looked at Yuujin again, which was a bit taken aback by Kazuma’s words. Susato couldn’t grasp what was going on between her father and the other man, but she could feel that there was more to their words than she could actually understand, which made her all the more worried. “I’ve heard from one of my professors that the English court system is advanced, compared to ours. I think this is the result of our nation’s tendency to isolate itself in its autonomy, which was the main cause of our downfall. I think it’s time we changed our mind and, even if the majority of people don’t think so, I firmly believe in this. I wish to change our nation for the better.” His speech was, as usual, full of passion and Susato could just stare at him in awe for his force in pursuing his ideals. While Susato’s grandma congratulated with Kazuma for being accepted as an exchange student, Yuujin remained silent for a bit before finally speaking his mind. “Kazuma, you are a talented man, That’s why you were able to be admitted to the exchange project. I wish for you to follow the path you chose to pursue in your life, as I would wish if you were my own son.” At those words, Kazuma bowed his head to him. “However, I don’t want you to depart alone. The English court system is way different than ours, as you already know. You will need to study it in depth in order to be ready to face whatever obstacle may appear on your path. That’s why you will be needing…” He made a pause, while smiling softly towards Susato. “…an assistant.” At those words, she just jumped from her position and almost lost her balance. She was so taken by surprise from his father’s words that she could barely say anything. Even Kazuma seemed to be taken aback from the older man’s words. “Susato…? I know she’s studying as a legal assistant, and I am honored of being helped by her but that’s… isn’t she going to school? She’ll miss a lot of lessons.” Yuujin was quick to reply. “But, seeing as she wants to become a legal assistant, what better occasion there is to really study it than being directly present at the scene?” Kazuma knew that Yuujin had already thought about that matter in great detail, and he also suspected that he had already known about his will to go to England for a long time. He knew he couldn’t fight him in that matter. “That’s fine, Yuujin. I’d be glad to have Susato by my side, as she is a very efficient assistant.” He turned to smile towards her and quickly began eating his meal again, giving the signal that the conversation was over.

In her room, Susato couldn’t really concentrate. While the naïve part of her told her that she should have been happy that Kazuma accepted to go on a trip with her – to England, which meant at least two months of traveling together in the same ship, which implied a lot of time to be alone together – the rational part of her clearly felt that Kazuma wanted to go there alone. She knew that Kazuma accepted her on his trip to England only because Yuujin insisted and the young attorney couldn’t refuse. And that was what Susato was most scared of. The thought of Kazuma being with her out of obligation began to fill her mind until she couldn’t hold it back anymore and two small tears ran down her cheeks unwillingly. Susato wondered why love was so hard to manage and why her emotions always got the best of her.

Haori, on the other hand, was very satisfied with that result and immediately started telling Susato about preparing herself for her quest of conquering Kazuma Asougi’s heart. The most romantic thing was that Susato was, quite literally, sailing with her beloved to the ends of the world until he fell in love with her. The younger girl wasn’t pleased with her friend’s wording of the situation, as she felt that her duty was primarily one of support in her capacity of a judicial advisor and assistant; however, after talking to her, she began to feel better about the whole situation and her fears about Kazuma not really wanting her with him eased for a bit.

The days before their departure went on smoothly, as Yuujin was excited to prepare everything for the two of them. Susato got a hold of news of a friend of her father, Doctor John Watson, being murdered and of Kazuma’s friend being accused of the murder. She thought to herself that Kazuma was very needed there in Japan until the last moment as he was an outstanding attorney and she strengthened her resolve to help him while avoiding for her feeling to ruin everything. It was the day before the great departure, and Susato was in her room, finishing the last parts of her luggage. She never went away from home for this long – the only trips she made were when Yuujin took her to the capital on her birthday or another special occasion – but they would stay two or three nights away from home, at most. She was a bit worried, but her father repeatedly made sure she was okay with embarking on such an adventure. Yuujin made have proposed Susato’s company to Kazuma without discussing it with Susato first, but, after that fateful dinner, he talked for a while with his daughter in order to be absolutely sure that she was fine with it and that she wasn’t pressured into anything. She felt really lucky to have her father by her side. Haori was with her to help her with the finishing touches and to accompany her to the departure dock in order to give her a final goodbye. Needless to say, Haori spent the night telling her about every single detail about her romance novels. With those images of passionate lovers declaring their feelings so strongly, Susato fell asleep wondering if such things had ever happened to anyone in real life.

On the morning of the departure, there was a slight tension in the air as the four were having breakfast. Susato’s grandmother wished her a good journey and couldn’t help but let a tear slip on her cheek while giving her beloved nephew a good luck charm. As the girl and Kazuma finally bid farewell to Yuujin and Haori – who couldn’t help but whisper a ‘good luck with your prince charming’ in her ear, making her blush heavily – Susato was full of hope for the journey she was about to begin. She noticed Kazuma fumbling a bit with his luggage and she found strange how he hurriedly closed himself in his own cabin, but she didn’t give it a lot of thoughts. As she spent the rest of the day with Detective Hosonaga – which apparently was present during Kazuma’s last case in Japan – the night quickly came and everyone retired to their rooms. Susato was beginning to prepare for her first night in the ship and she calmly listened to the static sound it was producing. As she was lingering on those noises, she heard a soft knock on the door of her room. She quickly went to open the cabin door and, much to her surprise, she found Kazuma outside, waiting for her to answer. He was looking around and had a hand resting on his hip. He looked gorgeous. Trying to cast back Haori’s novels scene of love and passion, she asked shyly what he wanted to talk about so late in the evening. Kazuma looked at her with his fierce and deep brown eyes and Susato couldn’t help but fidget a little. He then proceeded to stand up and asked if he could come inside her room, apologizing for his rude behavior to a lady. As Susato’s mind was going full blank – the scene suddenly started to remind her more and more of the one Haori told her from a particularly… intense novel – she allowed him inside the room. Kazuma remained on the entrance and rested his back on the wall, crossing his arms on his chest. At first, he tried to make small talk. “So, how is the trip going?” “Huh… yes, everything is going fine. Thank you for asking, Kazuma-sama. How about you?” Susato politely replied. “I'm fine, too. I have some negative remarks on the food choice but, other than that, I think everything is okay.” As expected from a man like him, Susato giddily thought. “Listen, I won’t mince words with you, I feel like I don’t need to.” His sudden decisiveness took the girl by surprise. “…I’m sorry. I keep hurting you with my impulsive reactions.” She certainly didn’t expect such words to come out of his mouth. “What are you talking about?” Susato asked, out of pure curiosity. “I know how I sounded like when I announced my departure to England. I didn’t expect Yuujin to propose you as my companion during the journey, so I… may have said something inappropriate to you.” He looked straight in her eyes with a sincerely apologetic look. Susato thought it was a side of Kazuma she had never seen, not even when they were younger and he helped her in the snow. She decided she liked that side of him, as it was different and in sheer contrast with his usual confident and passionate self. It made her feel closer to him, as she guessed he didn’t show this part of him often, especially not in his line of work. She felt so at ease with him that she decided to confide his fears to him. “Don’t worry about it, Kazuma-sama. I just…fear that you feel obliged towards my father and that you accepted his proposal not because you wanted to but because you felt you had to.” She looked at him with worried eyes. “I’m sorry if I don’t make sense but… this feeling seems to be always present in my heart ever since you announced your journey.” At her words, Kazuma widened his eyes, seemingly understanding something. “I see,” He said “but you don’t need to worry. I am very honored to have you by my side and to have your help as an assistant. I think you’re very capable of what you’re doing and your work is always neat and efficient. I couldn’t ask for more.” He smiled at her. “The thing is… I think it’s dangerous for you to go to England. I wondered and wondered if I should have told you this but… then I felt that my reaction to not wanting to endanger you might have triggered some unwanted thoughts in your mind.” He sighed. “Looks like I was right, wasn’t I?” “I- I…” Susato began talking back. “It’s fine, I understand. And I think you have the right to know the reasons behind my actions. Unfortunately, I can’t go through the details of my previous claim. I hope you can understand this.” “There’s no need to.” Susato smiled at him. Suddenly, Kazuma rose from his position against the wall and walk towards her. “But this, I want to be clear to you. I swore I will protect you. On the Asougi’s name, I won’t allow anything bad to be done to you.” He then took in his hands the katana he always carried with him. “I swear on my pride and on Karuma.” Susato couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Not only the man she was in love with swore to protect her, but he also swore it on his name and on the sword he cherished so much. He swore it on the sword belonging to his father, which he always carried around. As she fought back the urge of crying right in front of him, she replied: “Kazuma-sama, I fear that I have no words to thank you properly.” Her moved voice shaking, she kept on. “I’m so glad to be your assistant. I promise I will sail with you to the ends of the world.” The man smiled sweetly at her. Susato could hear the beat of her own heart loud and clear as she saw Kazuma closing the distance between them. If Haori would have been able to see her now, she was sure she would have sneered at her. She couldn’t believe that such a scene was unfolding in front of her eyes. Kazuma raised his hand and put it softly on her shoulder. Susato closed her eyes, unsure of what to do at that moment. Kazuma smiled softly as he drew his face closer to Susato’s. He then opened his lips.

“Then, let’s have a nice journey. I will count on you and I will be in your care.” Susato, even if she was a bit taken aback by him, could only answer with a sound yes before watching as Kazuma then proceeded to wish her a good night and close the door of her cabin behind him.

Susato would be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed. At that moment, she really thought that Kazuma was making a move on her, as Haori had predicted the day she left. Susato then realized that maybe a high quantity of romance novels taken in one go might have had a negative effect on her and blamed her expectations on that. Sighing, she finished her preparations for the night.

There were two months in front of them. A journey to the end of the world wouldn’t finish that quickly after all. As she recalled the gentle words Kazuma said to her, Susato thought that for a beginning, that wasn’t bad at all and if it was a prelude of what it was to come, she couldn’t complain at all. With these thoughts, she calmly fell in a deep slumber.

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* I wanted to insert a reference to a classic Ace Attorney game. Ema Skye in RIse from the Ashes (case 1-5) tells Phoenix that she thinks that Edgeworth smells of oranges. Since I think that Ema and Edgeworth and Susato and Kazuma's relationship is quite similar, I wanted to put this kind of reference.